What NOT to Watch Part I

What has happened to television lately? Seriously, here lately it seems like every time I turn my TV on I'm left asking....what the hell is this crap I'm watching? Here is a brief rundown of the shows that (in my opinion) we should all stay far, far away from. And I mean FAR. There haven't been any studies that prove these shows really do lower IQs and cause brain cells to die a slow, steady death, but I AM totally convinced these shows aren't really adding anything productive to our society.

Warning! Before reading this, let me put my little disclaimer out there first and foremost: Some of you are not going to agree with me on these choices. It's nothing personal and I am not calling you stupid for watching them (because hello, I had to have watched them at some point to comment on them here). And secondly, just because I detest these shows, for some reason they are like a car wreck--the outcome is terrible yet for some reason I just can't look away. Don't say I didn't warn you first.

Sarah Palin's Alaska--Now, those that know me know I am not a fan of Mrs. Palin. I personally think she is corny, fake, and not-that-smart. Although I will admit she is awfully pretty! I'm not sure if there is an actual point to this show other than to prove that she can indeed fire a shotgun and catch a fish. (But let me add that her clothes look like they were bought at the local North Face retailer about 10 minutes before taping began. No outdoorsman I've ever seen has clothes that clean.) She constantly complains about privacy and the flack her children get from HER political career, yet she parades them on national television for a paycheck? Hello pot...meet kettle. It shows her kids and grandkid, yet we never see the newest addition with Down Syndrome. In my opinion, a reality show would be a wonderful opportunity to showcase just how special children with DS are and how their lives can be productive and even somewhat normal. But no...let's leave little Trig locked in a closest somewhere, or out on the porch with the nanny who's still looking for Russia. And don't EVEN get me started on the episode with Kate Gosselin and her litter! Note to TLC: Let's stick to "19 Kids and Counting" and "Toddlers and Tiaras".

Chelsea Lately--Dear Chelsea Handler, I'm on the fence with this one. I tend to catch this show simply because there isn't anything else on at 10 pm (other than How I Met Your Mother reruns that I've seen a million times). It starts out funny. I laugh, I'm entertained for a moment. But I can't for the life of me figure out WHY a funny blond needs a Hispanic little person/midget/vertically challenged (I don't know the PC term for this) person as a sidekick. He isn't funny. And secondly...why are you so mean Chelsea? Just when I think I've started to become a fan, you say something so terribly mean it makes me cringe and change the channel.

Bridalplasty--While I'm on the E! bashing, let me continue with a show that has absolutely no good points whatsoever. This show is terrible and one that I will not watch ever again. These poor girls have the lowest self esteem and continue to degrade themselves week after week for the world's viewing pleasure. I'm not totally against plastic surgery, but I am against this show. And I'm against whomever does the programming for E! because "Wild Girls", "Married to Rock", and "Spin Crowd" need to disappear forever into the land of forgotten television series, never to be aired in syndication again.

Extreme Couponing--This show is sad. While I'm impressed that these women and men can manage to get $1000 of groceries for $8, I am also sad for them. Who has that much time to collect, cut, and use that many coupons? (Seriously, they said the typical couponer had thousands on hand at any given time) Obviously their local grocery store is nothing like mine because I want to get in and out as soon as humanly possible--not spend 6 hours of my life hassling the check-out clerks. Get a life, folks. Or better yet....get a job. When you work 40 hours a week, you have no desire to spend your precious few leftover hours looking online so you can buy 80 sticks of deodorant, 37 toothbrushes, and 1000 boxes of cereal for .37. Trust me--your local Winn-Dixie cashier will thank-you for not following in these people's footsteps.

And now....last but not least:

Bama Belles--I love Alabama. We are a beautiful state full of beautiful, intelligent people. Yet for some reason, TLC has found the dumbest bunch of redneck hussies East of the Mississippi. Apparently no one bothered to inform TLC executives what constitutes a Southern Belle, because let me be the first to tell you it is not a bandana and a pick-up truck. First of all, that white-trash Dakota (bless her bandana-clad heart) is a hot mess. Who cheats on her husband then proudly struts around the local bar like a celebrity because she has a low-budget television crew following her around? Secondly, I'm all for Yankees coming to town to learn a little about Southern culture, but if you don't like it Ms. Thang From NYC, well you can hop back on that horse and trot right on back to the big city for all we care. Thirdly, I have lived in the South my entire life, make that the Wiregrass basically my whole life, and I have never once been to a lawnmower race or to a party with sombrero-wearing donkey. (and I consider myself pretty darn county!) And newsflash: not all Southern ladies like to sit in a deer blind and pretend to hunt with their loudmouth friend, either. Last but not least (okay, not last because I could go on for days about the ridiculousness of this show) but since when did Dothan become so rural?!?! Last time I rode through the Circle City, I saw new-fangled notions like shopping malls, state-of-the-art hospitals, and by-golly...even one of them thar motorized horse and buggies!

Next time (in case anyone made it past the Palin Show-bashing paragraph without leaving me forever) I will give my "thumbs up" list of what to watch. If you care. And you probably don't, and that's okay, too--it's just for tits and giggles!

Now get your panties out of a wad and have a Happy New Year,
TDC

Christmas Recap

Whew! Christmas is finally OVA, and I must admit...I always hate to see it go. I imagine Christmas is somewhat like post-partem depression. I look forward to it for months and months, the anticipation building with each passing day. Then, C-day arrives and all of that excitement fades away as reality rears its ugly head. People tend to lose that spirit of Christmas way too quickly. Back to work, early morning alarms, no more smells of Christmas trees and cookies baking, no more presents to wrap or open, no more festive parties to attend....sigh.

But this year, the new year holds something pretty darn exciting for us, and the day after Christmas didn't seem quite so hollow. I was almost happy to see the 26th roll around simply because it means we are one day closer to meeting the newest addition to our family of 4 (cause of course I count our first-born fur babies, too!)

But enough sap, let's get down to the good stuff!

We had a super busy Christmas holiday, starting with our Eve of Christmas Eve dinner with H's mom. Since we all get so tired of the typical Christmas menu, she decided to do a potato soup buffett and it was delish! Let me suggest that to anyone who wants to do something a little different next year. She made a big pot of regular potato soup, then placed a plethora of toppings out for us to choose from: bacon, cheese, ham, onions, broccoli, carrots...and biscuits for good measure. She completed the meal with a delicious homemade spiced cider of which legends are made. Seriously...it had orange peels in it and was unbelievable.

Holly, who I have mentioned is a fabulous local artist, bartered her goods for some gifts, and no one was disappointed. I got a lovely Mardi Gras mask that I will certainly put to good use as I "let the good times roll" in a few months. Although I will be VERY pregnant by then, I refuse to let it ruin my revelry. Sorry I can't post pics...I must remain "en costume" or you will know who I am as I toss you beads from my lofty throne!

On Christmas Eve day we headed over to Perdido Beach to my Aunt Lynda & Uncle Ronnie's house. They have five grandkids and another on the way (not counting my bun in the oven), so it is always a lot of fun watching all of the kids tear into their presents. Plus, I love all of my cousins' wives so it's nice to actually have some girls around nowadays. Apparently the boy gene is awfully strong in our family-I'm the only girl of 5 boys on my mom's side, and the only girl on my dad's side, too. There are currently four grandsons (plus one on the way) and one granddaughter on my dad's side. I wonder what ours will be--but I guess we have a long way to go before we find out!

Anywhoo...after a lunch of seafood gumbo, pork tenderloin, and various other tasty treats, we packed up and headed Northeast to good 'ol Kinston.

It struck me on more than one occasion that this would be our last Christmas morning in Kinston, which makes me more than a little nostalgic. Next year I definitely want to have Christmas morning at our house since we will have a 6-month-old by then! (Yikes!) I am adamant about our family traditions starting early, plus I don't want to be lugging toys, clothes, and baby crap all over the Southeast. I'm sure Santa will still be able to find me...I mean, us. :)

Overall, Christmas was wonderful. It's such a magical time of year, and being with those I love the most makes it even better. Each year I am amazed at how awesome my family is (and just ask us, we'll tell ya! Haha!) and I realize how blessed I am to have such a close-knit, loving, and funny group around me.

And now....for a list of the Top 10 Best Foods I ate over the Christmas Holidays:
10.) Potato Soup-it hit the spot and was the perfect "something different" I was looking for
9.) Taco Bell yesterday although it gave me some INTENSE indigestion
8.) Chocolate Covered Ritz with Peanut Butter-'nough said
7.) My mother-in-law's spiced cider
6.) Aunt Lynda's crawfish dip
5.) Butterfinger Cake
4.) Camp Stew the day after Christmas
3.) Steak-we decided against the typical Christmas dinner and had steak instead. Great decision!
2.) Granny's Red Velvet Cake
1.) Granny's Dumplings. God bless you Granny!

Now...after eating all of that in a span of 4 days, WHY IN THE WORLD did I schedule a doctor's appointment today when I knew I would have my first weigh-in of the second trimester?!?!?!

A Tale of Christmas Past

Kelly's Korner Blog is having another "Show Us Your Life" theme and today's theme is holiday decor. Please pardon the photos, they were taken with my crappy camera from last year. I would love to say that our historical home's halls are decked and festive this year, but the baby (which seems to suck the energy out of me faster than a Thanksgiving turkey) has made it a little more difficult this year. So....please enjoy the photos from Christmas 2009, when we were full of holiday cheer and decorating gumption.

Actually, I'm still full of cheer, just not so full of energy. I keep hoping a wonderful elf (or husband, or mother-in-law) would magically appear, but apparently I haven't been good enough this year to warrant that type of goodwill toward men.

And in my defense, we did a TON of holiday entertaining last year that actually warranted some serious holiday decorating. We hosted our second annual Tacky Christmas Sweater Party, the appetizer leg of our street's Progressive Dinner, and the Christmas Bunco/Dirty Santa/Wine-Induced Gymnastics in the Front Yard Extravaganza. Ahhh...good times. Since we (technically I since it's a No Boys Allowed Event) are only hosting the Bunco Christmas Party this year, I figured the girls will just have to understand my situation.

I'm pooped. Every day, all day.

But please....enjoy the ghosts of Christmas Decorating Past!




This is a picture of our kitchen, plus little Lois. When you are the lucky owner of these lovely wreath-green cabinets, it makes it VERY easy to decorate for Christmas! And, just for a funny little side note--the Christmas mat you see at the base of the sink was from The Dollar Tree. You know, the store where everything is $1. And let me tell ya, folks, you get what you pay for. This mat read "Mery Christmas!"

My fabulous, artistically-blessed mother-in-law made the two arrangements for me last year (see above and below). As with all things in my life, we like to ball on a budget-even at Christmas. These are made of Dollar Tree ornaments, random Mardi Gras beads we caught the previous year, and real branches I stole during our afternoon dog walks. (Minus the Lenox candleholders, which were NOT cheap but a lovely wedding present that we use quite often.)

Here is a view of the living room (if you were standing in the dining room). I am a Christmas-tree Natzi. I insist on a real tree, every year...no exceptions...no subsitutions...and I refuse to even hear talk of the fakes. No offense to those who pull theirs down from the attic the weekend after Thanksgiving, but that boat won't float in the Hysterical District. The smell is the best part! It's even better than the fun we have driving to the hood to buy it from the local charitable organization. And it's definitely H's favorite part of Christmas! (If there was such a thing as a sarcastic font, I would have just used it for that last sentence.)

Merry Christmas!

And yes, if anyone wants to take pity on my and come pick out, purchase, drag home, set up (straight), decorate, and eventually take down on or shortly after January 2---by all means c'mon! I'll even make you some shrimp n' grits as a thank-you!

Christmas is Here!

Christmas is right around the corner! Woo hoo!!! Excitement abounds, at least for me. H doesn't get into the spirit of the holidays quite as much as I do, but most men tend to keep their excitement under wraps about things such as this and I've accepted that fact after almost 4 years of marriage.

I love the holiday season and (almost) everything about it. I love the feeling of goodwill that most people seem to have in abundance this time of year. I love holiday parties with friends and family, warm fires, champagne cocktails, carols, and the smell of a Christmas tree. I love family traditions and the excitement of finding the absolute perfect gift for a loved one. Ahhh....there is nothing like this time of year.

I try my best to not forget the real meaning of Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ. I know this holiday is about Him and the ultimate gift, but sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the wordly aspect and commercialization of Christmas.

Don't get me wrong--I LOVE getting presents. I love the anticipation of waking up Christmas morning and not knowing what's wrapped in the big, beautiful boxes under the tree. And I have been known to get disappointed when I didn't get exactly what I wrote on my wish list (I'm only human). But in the end, I know the real meaning of this joyous holiday. It's about the birth of our Savior, giving unselfishly, and surrounding yourself with family and friends.

I hate to get all sentimental here, but I will blame my emotional post on pregnancy hormones. :) This year is our last Christmas without Baby C--next year at this time we will have a 6 month old! Besides that being absolutely nutso, it makes me more than a little weepy thinking about all of the traditions I hope to pass down to the wee one and all of the memories we will build as a little family. I hope he or she will find this time of year as magical as I do.

I have to thank my parents for making Christmas so amazing. I remember us doing so many wonderful things. They would host Christmas parties for me and my friends, and my mom would spend countless hours shopping and making goodies for us to eat. Hayrides, scavengar hunts, and even a mid-December Polar Bear Swim in our pool. They would always take me (and usually multiple friends) to Christmas City in Ariton. I also remember riding around the nicer neighborhoods in Dothan and Enterprise looking at the beautiful Christmas decorations, going to pick out the perfect live Christmas tree, and wrapping presents and decorating the house with my mom. I was so blessed to never worry about being cold, hungry, or present-less on Christmas day. I have only wonderful Christmas memories--and I hope my child will be able to say that one day, too.

I'm not sure if it was the Glee Christmas episode last night on TV or the pregnancy hormones-but either way I am a happy gal today with St. Nick on the brain. I hope you and yours enjoy this wonderful time of year--don't forget the REAL reason we celebrate, but don't get too serious on me and forget to enjoy some hot cocoa and a nice present either!

Merry Christmas lovelies!
TDC

Busy Week

Whew! It has been a busy week here in The Hysterical District. We had a LOT going on. Let me start waaayyy back in the beginning...

Monday, Nov. 22nd--We heard the heartbeat for the first time! That's right, folks, we are welcoming a child into this scary world. Baby HDC (whether boy or girl) will be here on or around June 30th--and we are pretty darn excited! I will be 10 weeks on Wednesday, so we wanted to wait until we were "in the clear" before making any big announcements. But we heard a nice, steady, fast and healthy heartbeat so the cat's out of the bag! I guess our little New Orleans adventure was the final hoorah for our young, carefree days. But that's okay--I've had a good run.

We are also scared to death. :) For those that don't know me that well, now would be a good time to say that I don't know anything about babies. I've never changed a diaper, bathed or fed a baby. I am an only child with no real interest in other people's children. And H--well he is in the same boat. I picture our adventures in parenthood as National Lampoon meets Vince Vaughn. God bless this child.

Please note: This is not an invitation to change your child's diaper or babysit for you. No offense, but I don't really like other people's kids that much so we will just wait to screw up our own if that's okay. We will love ours unconditionally because it will be beautiful, perfect, adorable, and sleep through the night from birth onward--but yours is your problem. And I mean that in the nicest way possible, bless your sweet heart. :)

Thursday, Nov. 25th--Happy Thanksgiving to all and to all a good night! Oh wait....that's not right...We celebrate our turkey day on Dauphin Island, which does set the scene for a nice if somewhat untraditional Thanksgiving. It was a balmy 75 degrees on the island and almost perfect for sipping cranberry juice cocktails on the deck--minus the cocktails part.

Friday, Nov. 26th--This day might be known as Black Friday to those who are unfortunate enough to live in other parts of the country. But here in Alabama--it's Iron Bowl Friday! We are a house divided, and like true fans neither of us will even consider crossing those party lines. (So lets stick with Troy University and Saints baby gear, please!)

Since I am no longer partaking in adult beverages, I decided to throw an Iron Bowl party. H refuses to watch football on anything less than our HDTV, and I figured if I can't go to the party, I should bring the party to me! Per the usual football-watching etiquette, each of my lovely friends brought a dish and we were ready to watch the showdown of the season. My Tigers are undefeated, and I had high hopes they could continue the streak even in Bryant-Denny Stadium. The game was awesome, or at least the second half was! Auburn pulled out a 28-27 victory and Cam Newton lived to spend another hard-earned dollar. Woo hoo!

There were no injuries, no fights, and only a few choice words were yelled at the television screen. Although H was not a happy camper in the end, thankfully he did not try to set my Auburn attire on fire this year--the bun in my oven is warm enough I guess!

I must admit I was a little bummed that I couldn't drink and get rowdy with all my friends, but I actually discovered a nice little surprise of forced sobriety. First of all, my friends are hilarious when they are slightly inebriated. As the sober girl at the party I was able to get a first-hand glimpse at how ridiculous and funny they are. It was great! Secondly, I felt like a million bucks Saturday morning while all of them were moaning and groaning and swearing they weren't going to drink like that again!

Overall it was a wonderful week for us. There isn't much better than hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time, watching Auburn win in a comeback of epic proportions, and spending time with friends and family. I am far more blessed than I probably deserve, but I am thankful for each and every moment of this grand life!

WDE!

TDC

The Pants Game

I've debated about whether to tell you all about The Pants Game for some time now. H says it's funny, and I agree. I just don't want you to think we are weird. Or demented. Or some sort of nudists.

Although technically we could probably fit into almost all of those categories at some point or another in our lives.

The Pants Game was invented many, many moons ago by either H or myself. I honestly can't remember who started it or even why we started it. But I DO know that it is fun...most of the time!

TPG is usually played at night because it requires one of us to be in some sort of lounge attire--i.e. pajama pants, athletic shorts, etc. It's pretty self-explanatory, really. All we do is (very sneakily) yank the other person's pants down around their ankles. And then we point and laugh.

It sounds silly now that I've read what I just wrote, but trust me--this game is hilarious! We even have a points system.

Good Pants--A "good pants" is when you manage to sneak up behind the other person and yank them down very cleanly. The pants must make it all the way to the floor.

Yes! Pants-- A "Yes! Pants" is when you have a good pants that is done during an inopportune moment. For instance, if H is unloading the dishwasher and I pants him, it is considered a "Yes! Pants" because he gets agitated and I say "Haha sucka! Yesssss!"

Angry Pants -- "Angry Pants" is one of my favorites, but only if you are the pantser, not the pantsee. "Angry Pants" occurs when one person pantses the other at the absolute worst time and it takes a while to pull your pants back up to their normal resting spot. Let me give you an example: If I have an armful of groceries walking toward the kitchen and H pantses me, that is considered an "Angry Pants" because I will typically yell something in the "International Language" followed by "I'm not playing right now!" Then I proceed to hobble the rest of the way through the living room with an armful of groceries and my pants around my ankles.

In case you were wondering, additional points are rewarded if one of us gets really angry and threatens to divorce the other. Which has happened more than once.

Thankfully there are certain rules.
1.)We are not allowed to pants the other in mixed company
2.) No hitting
3.) Indoor use only
4.)No timeouts
5.) No such thing as "I'm not playing!"

We have played this game for years. And it never gets old! Right now, the score is 436-437, but I won't tell you who is ahead.

Does anyone else have a weird game that they play with their family? I realize that most of you probably aren't demented, weirdo nudists like us....but I do hope you all have some sort of fun game you play with your loved ones. I'm pretty sure this isn't what Milton Bradley had in mind when he said, "The family that plays together, stays together!" but it does work for us!

Toodles Kids!
TDC

P.S -- The "International Language" I refered to earlier is what I like to call the words you can't say in front of your grandmother. Oddly enough, no matter what country you may find yourself, the natives will understand an angry curse word. :)

Halloween--A Few Days Late

Sorry it's been so long since I last wrote a little bloggy blog. It took a while to recover from our weekend in New Orleans! We had a fabulous time (of course!) even though we stayed in the Garden District, which is a tad further from the hustle and bustle than I usually prefer to be. But, with Widespread Panic playing 3 nights, Voodoo Fest, the Saints hosting the Steelers in the Superdome, and Halloween, we were actually lucky to get a room anywhere in The Big Easy.

For a brief recap of our Crescent City goodtimes....

We rode the streetcar for the first time. (And it made me want to yell "Stelllllllaaaaa!" a time or two, I must admit).

We ate Cuchon de Lait at Pierre Masperos. Oh my goodness, there are no words. NO WORDS.

Widespread Panic was AMAZING. Thanks to the kindness of stranger, we lucked up and got free tickets for Friday night's concert, too. Great friends + great music = A grand time was had by all.

I found a dive that sold homemade bread pudding for only $2. Score!

H headed back to the Mobeezy on Sunday morning, and dropped me off at The Hilton Convention Center Hotel for one last night of debauchery with my gals. And then I realized they were staying at The Hilton Garden Inn, which was approximately 800 miles away. So I proceeded to haul all my luggage for 92 gazillion blocks because I couldn't find an ATM and I had no cash for a cab. Sigh.

But...I think I saw Drew Brees!!! Drew, what the H?!? You could have at least offered a southern gal a ride considering I had a Vera Bradley bag that weighed the same as Deuce McCallister. But whatev. I will forgive you this time simply because you're Drew Brees and I love you. Who Dat!?!?!

We dressed up for Halloween. We were the Harlem Globetrotters. And yes...these are homemade costumes.

While our ragtag group of girlfriends may have a doctor, a kindergarten teacher, an attorney, a few salespeople, and even a dental hygienist....we do not have a seamstress. But my 'fro is off to Jenny who made some darn good jerseys!

Halloween in New Orleans is, well, a lot to take in to say the least. After that weekend, I felt like I needed to wash my corneas. And RUN to the nearest church.

The Saints beat the Steelers! Who Dat!?!?! I'm guessing it was because Palomolo (sp?-Lawd have mercy nobody can spell that last name) was too busy posing for pics on Bourbon Street to worry about playing football. But that is A-okay in my book!

I also walked (and drug my sweet friend Katie) another 800 miles to a place called Ellie Monster. This is a vintage shoe store of which stories and legends are made. I was told they had a fabulous selection of vintage riding boots that were even affordable. Sadly, after walking those said 800 miles, we realized we had passed by our destination because their sign was the size of a postage stamp. And they were closed. Sigh.

I ate two jalapeno poppers straight out of H's pocket at 5:30 in the morning. Don't judge me for that, please.

But in the end, no matter the somewhat demented things one might see, hear, or smell in New Orleans--it's always a good time.

SDD

I have SDD.

And it's pretty bad if I do say so myself.

SDD can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Sometimes no amount of protection and self gratification can ensure exemption from SDD...it will catch even the most unsuspecting fool.

SDD is not a new affliction. Although geniuses at such places like the CDC and the Mayo Clinic might suggest otherwise, I have a sinking suspicion SDD is hereditary.

You see, my mother had the random flare-up from time to time, and I'm fully convinced it was passed down through the gene pool. Damn that gene pool.

SDD, for the uninformed, is Servant Deprivation Disorder.

I have a roaring case of SDD right now with no end or relief in sight. I spent ALL weekend cleaning and doing laundry, and that is NO way to spend a weekend.

Can I get an "amen, sista?!"

If I had a housekeeper or even a weekly maid service, just think of all the extra time I would have on my hands. I could go to the gym 4 days a week. I could volunteer at my local humane shelter. I could help my friend move into her new house, which is only a few streets away from my humble abode. Yay for neighbors who also enjoy porch time and a nice glass of wine! (Lawd have mercy I love my Catholic friends with no qualms about partaking) I could walk my dogs to the pumpkin patch all the time, and I could come home to whip up a delicious home-cooked meal for my lovely husband.

Actually, I would probably spend way too many hours at Wintzells drinking dollar beers with the ladies and discussing our plans to save the world. Or how I am STILL searching for the ideal pair of riding boots.

H had a nanny/maid/cook/second mother as a child. But in his 'hood, everyone did. He has such fond memories of Georgia--apparently she had hip replacement surgery which allowed her to do all sort of circus-freak tricks. Tricks, I imagine, that would amaze and terrify little boys. She would have dinner ready for the family every night. She did laundry. She even covered for H when he allegedly shot a BB gun at a neighbor's car. H was a handful. :)

I didn't know it was possible to miss someone you never met. In addition to SDD, I now have Georgia-envy.

Now, I completely understand that some of you who are reading this (especially those with children, dogs, and a full-time job) are saying, "What in the world does she need a maid for!?!? It is just her and her husband--they don't have time to clean their measly house!?!?!"

Nope, we dont.

Because we have lives. Fun lives. And God forbid cleaning get in the way of fun. Actually, I have a fridge magnet (even though I despise fridge magnets) that says, "A clean house is the sign of a wasted life."

Can I get another "amen, sista"!?!?!

Another Random Friday

First things first, Lois says hi. And she wanted me to add that she is sick and tired of not getting many shout-outs on this blog. She has many platforms, but the cause that is nearest and dearest to her little heart is pet adoption. Since I have been neglecting her thirst for the spotlight lately, I thought I would give her an opportunity to remind you how great it is to adopt a mutt! Big, small, old, ugly....it doesn't matter. Just like finding a mate, sometimes the things you think you want in a companion end up flying out the window when you meet the One. Adopt a stray--they will love you more and save you a bundle!

And Lois says they are just better. Especially better than Chocolate Labs. Namely Chocolate Labs that may or may not be called Charlie.

Now back to this random Friday...

I took BOTH pupper dogs to the pumpkin patch last night. H was working last night so I was in charge of all canine operations. I decided to take them for a nice evening stroll through Midtown before it got too dark. Of course, we ended up at the local pumpkin patch! I love a good pumpkin patch. We ran into my mother-in-law, the artist, who was busy being fabulous. She was very happy to spend some quality time with her granddogs, and they can always use a good spoiling. After a good hour picking out the perfect pumpkin color scheme (and Chuck, the lab, giving the stink eye to an ironic black cat) we had the ideal fall scene ready to go. (Photos to come if I can get my porch swept this weekend)

Since I was alone last night, I was finally able to catch up on my DVR'd shows. Sometimes I am amazed at the mind-numbing crap I watch on TV. (Yep...Real Housewives I'm talking about you!) First of all, how pitiful are Michaele and Tareq on RHODC? And poor Cat, bless her heart. She needs a quick lesson in tact and respect. Apparently her granny never told her "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all!" Maybe grannies are different in England.

Before I killed brain cells with RHODC, I DID watch the season finale of Mad Men. Sigh. If you don't watch Mad Men, let me encourage you to catch up now. It has become my favorite drama now that Sopranos went to TV-series heaven. The story lines are great, the characters are intriguing, and the time period is fascinating. There was so much going on in our world back then--it was the cusp of a new era.

And Don Draper ain't nothing to sneeze at, honey. Neither is Roger Sterling, but I've always been a sucker for a silver fox.

The weekend looms ahead, and it is surprisingly void of plans and parties. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Widespread Panic and numerous cocktails of various colors and decorations await us in New Orleans next weekend. I should probably use this weekend to prepare my liver and sleep-tank for the upcoming days of debauchery. But I doubt that happens. I will more than likely spend all weekend cleaning, eating, and biting my fingernails over my office football pool.

Now that I mentioned Don Draper a few paragraphs ago, I can't concentrate on anything. So I guess that's it.

Laissez les bon temps rouler, dahlins!
(And Lois says "holla")

Taboo Topics

According to genteel Southern etiquette, there are just some things you aren't supposed to talk about. You can talk about your crazy mama. You can talk about your crazy maw-in-law. You can talk about SEC football until your blue in the face. You can even talk about what it really feels like to pass a kidney stone.

But dear, sweet baby Jesus (don't worry, I'm not taking his name in vain because I pronounce it Hey-suse) don't talk about politics.

Or religion.

But what are you supposed to do if you think politics and religion are both pretty fascinating topics to discuss?

Well...you get a blog, describe it as a blog about renovating and entertaining, and then WHAM...the old bait and switch. If you find politics and religion too taboo, I would suggest you stop reading now. But maybe we'll see ya next week!

I heart politics. Especially politics in Alabama. We have the biggest bunch of yahoos running this state, and it seems that even the next batch of worthy candidates (there I go using terms loosely again) is a pretty pitiful excuse of social climbers and ne'er-do-wells.

But I digress.

I think somewhere along the line we forgot about common sense. We started paying too much attention to the "he said/she said" bullhockey and we lost sight of the big picture. When did lying become the norm for Alabama politicos? We used to see honest, hard-working folks running for an office so they could make a difference in our state. So they could make a difference for their children and grandchildren.

Now it seems the only thing our politicians and candidates are concerned about is getting in bed with the person or organization that can benefit them the most. Why don't politicians start taking some advice from MTV and "start getting real"?

EDUCATION--Education in our state is pitiful at best. As long as I live in the Hysterical District, my future children will never go to a public school. Write it down, folks. I don't care if H has to hook it on the corner, Jr. is NOT going to public school. I'm not sure if it will take a lottery to improve education, but it sure seems to be working for our neighbors. I think we need to clean house--starting with the AEA and its leader.

GAMBLING--Oh, the hot topic of choice for everybody from Southern Baptists to Uncle Milty McGregor. My personal standpoint--Who cares? With education in the toilet, maybe we should be focusing on something a little bit more important than blue-haired little 'ol ladies playing electronic bingo. I have an idea--why don't we vote on it!?!?! Because that would make far too much sense. I am 27 with admittedly a rudimentary knowledge of things like bills, fillibusters, and all the other broohaha that those crazy senators and representatives seem to know. But once again, I have a little bit of common sense. Which apparently is NOT a requirement to be able to place "Alabama State Capital" as your place of employment on your resume.

FUNDING--Okay, I admit it. I'm not the BEST at budgeting and such. But I'm GREAT at putting others on a budget (just ask H)! However, I believe a city or a state's budget should operate with the same basic principles as my own personal budget. When times are rough (cause let's face it...sometimes they are) you have to tighten the purse strings. If you can't afford to keep an elementary school from falling down around the students, why in the world would you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of a year for our politicians to eat at Ruth's Chris and stay at the Hilton? Yes, I love Ruth's Chris, too. But sometimes I have to eat my own steak without the well-timed deliverance and linen napkins.

Pardon me if my political rant rubbed you the wrong way. To ease your pain, I'm no Democrat. Because if there's anything WORSE than talking politics in Alabama, it's admitting you're a Democrat. But, to defend my open-minded lefties, I am no Republican either. I'm an Independent and proud to admit it!

Actually, I like to say I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative. In a nutshell I believe homosexuals should have the same rights as I do, and I believe things like government housing, welfare, and food stamps should have a time limit. I believe I should be able to praise my God, write and say what I want, and keep a loaded gun in my nightstand. And at the same time, I believe you should be able to praise your God (or Buddha, Allah, Wiccan tree, or life-size Nick Saban cardboard cutout if you so desire).

Maybe this topic is too heavy for my blog. If so...we will resume the tales of embarrassing childhood moments next time.

Toodles, kids.

Happy Birthday!

This is my best friend Nicole (on the left). She has been my best friend and the closest thing I have ever had to a sister. I used to get so mad at my parents because they never gave me a sibling--but that was until I realized Nicole was better than the real thing. I could send her home when we were tired of each other!

But that rarely happens.

We have been the two best friends that anyone could ever have (name that tune!) since elementary school, and today is her birthday. She is old. And although it used to KILL me when I was 20---I am still younger! Neener, neener, neener! Happy Birthday Nicole!

She is beautiful inside and out.

I know she will never judge me or make fun of me. As a matter of fact, she once beat the crap of some girl because she was mean to me in middle school. You see, I've always had a problem with my mouth writing checks my butt can't cash. Lucky for me...Nicole takes up my slack.

She is the MOST hard-working girl I've ever met. She is also completely unselfish and always manages to put her family first. She would give you the shirt off her back if she loved you and you needed a shirt. She is physically strong and can carry large loads of crap to the beach.

She has great style and always knows how to have a good time! Sometimes she is crude and gross--but in the best possible way.

She is a fabulous dancer. But most of all, she is the type of person who is ALWAYS ready to get out on the dance floor! We don't do "wallflower" to say the least! We have been through 5 proms, first loves, high school sports, college, being roommates, not being roommates, being roommates again, two marriages, one big move, one divorce, being roommates again, and another big move. We have lost friends together, made new friends, watched old boyfriends move on without us, sang songs, fought, made up, gotten drunk, gotten too drunk, hugged, danced, and laughed A LOT.

We like to hug. She recognizes that sometimes I am NOT in a hugging mood, and then she leaves me alone. You see, Nicole is my best friend because she understands what makes me tick, what makes me laugh, what makes me mad....she just knows me. Probably better than anyone else in the world. And despite all of that, she still loves me. Even when I am mean, cold-hearted, snarky, snotty, etc etc etc....she loves me and she lets me be.

We used to compete over all sorts of things. I used to think she had everything in the world that I wanted. She had beautiful straight blond hair. She was tall and slim. She was incredibly athletic. All she had to do was look at a boy and they instantly came running (usually pushing me aside in the process, but that's okay). I went through quite an awkward stage (which I may still be in, the jury is still out) and she never missed a day without curled bangs or a boyfriend.

Then I realized if I couldn't BE Nicole, the next best thing was to be her BFF! And twenty-some-odd-years later....we are still best friends. FOREVER.

I wish I had the words to truly describe her. She is silly and charming, disgusting and funny, beautiful and natural. She has an ease about her. In a completely non-Lesbian way (not that there's anything wrong with that) she completes me. And as long as she lives on a different coast...a little part of my heart is missing.

We officially CAN NOT spend another birthday apart!!!

Come home soon! But until then....

Happy Birthday! Welcome to 25 (again)!

Papa Loved Mama

Somewhere waaaaay back in the deep hollows of my brain, I have compiled a list of titles for my future novels. One is called "Bootlegging the Virgin" and it's a fictional story based on a not-quite-believable story told by a fellow camp counselor when I was in college. The other is called "Memoirs of a Graceless Child" and it is a true-life account (unfortunately) of some of my childhood antics and mishaps. After a Facebook post from my bestie this morning that took me straight down memory lane, I thought I would write this one down to test the waters.


As a small-town country girl in a small-town country school, I had a love affair with education. I literally loved everything about school--the teachers, the work, the socializing, lunch, even P.E. (except for the Presidential Physical Fitness Test which is a whole different animal-why in the flip do I need to do a pull-up to get a crappy paper certificate from the President!?!?!) School was a comfortable, safe place where it was actually cool to read books and know lots of useless knowledge.

Back in elementary school there were some things that DID excite me even more than usual. An opportunity to go watch the super-cool high school cheerleaders at a pep rally was like Christmas. Field trips were treats that I looked forward to for months, even when we were just heading to the local post office to watch them sort mail. (And I'm not kidding-ask my 2nd grade teacher)

Now, many of you might not know this, but I've always been somewhat of a ham. Give me a microphone (or really anything that resembles a microphone or can be interpreted as a microphone when singing into it) and a crowd, and this gal is in her element. What can I say? I love an audience.

So....when my little elementary school announced they were holding their first annual talent show, I knew my time had finally come. This was MY opportunity to show the world what I could do. My years of singing along to every country, gospel, and show tune on the radio would finally reap the rewards I so justly deserved. And apparently some teachers agreed with me as they excitedly signed me up to sing "She's In Love With The Boy" by Trisha Yearwood. Trisha (pre-Garth Brooks extramarital affair) Yearwood was having a good year around that time, and I just knew I could do her proud.

The weeks rolled by and the day of the talent show finally arrived. I can remember being SO nervous. I desperately wanted the approval of my peers, not to mention the fact that I fully expected Broadway or Nashville to come calling after my debut so I needed to be on my game. As the day wore on, my nerves got worse. I wasn't that nervous about actually getting up in front of a crowd, because I mean....hello, that is what I was born to do! I was just worried that I would forget the words and be standing up there with an actual real-life microphone with no words coming out of my mouth.

Apparently the practice I had done in the backseat of my parent's car and on my "stage" (aka the hearth in my living room) hadn't fully prepared me for what was to come.

When the emcee called my name, I held my head high and proudly marched my 8 or 9 year old behind right up on our auditorium stage in front of MY ENTIRE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, not to mention teachers, administrators, family, and friends. And to this day, I still can't tell you why what happened next happened.

Instead of the completely appropriate song about a young girl professing her love for a boy she eventually wants to marry....I belt out every line of "Papa Loved Mama" by Garth Brooks. Now, if you aren't familiar with 'ol Garth circa the early 90's, "Papa Loved Mama" is about a truck driver who discovers his wife has been cheating on him while he's on the road. He finds out about her nocturnal transgressions and catches them...ahem, in the act...in a seedy motel. To make a long story short, Papa drives his big rig into the motel, killing Mama and her new lover.

Needless to say, when I finally put the microphone down and took my bow....all I heard was crickets.

And then the principal called my mom and had a talk about why kids don't need to listen to such trash. And I think the First Annual Talent Show became the last talent show. Nashville must have gotten wind of my fall from grace since I never did get that call. And while I'm sure Broadway would have enjoyed the theatricality of my song choice, I'm guessing they didn't need another scandal on their hands.

But just as they say, now that I am an adult I can look back on this embarrassing childhood memory and laugh. I am very thankful for that because if not I would have probably killed myself after hearing this story told and retold at countless family functions.

If you are wondering if this helped curb my thirst for stardom--it did not. I still crave the spotlight, and I still long for that EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony).

I've matured and grown up, I have realized one thing...

Drunk patrons at my local karaoke bar don't give a damn about the moral turpitude of my song choice--as long as I sing it like I mean it!

One Green Kitchen

The topic for "Show Us Your Life" over at www.kellyskornerblog.com is...KITCHENS! Wah, wah, wah :(

Normally I would include my disclaimer at the end of a post. But, since there are multiple pictures on this post (yay for me and technology as today we are friends) I thought I would apologize before you view them. I am not a fan of our kitchen. It is remarkably better than before--so much so that I won't even post the pics. All I can say is you wouldn't believe the magnolia wallpaper that some misguided, tasteless soul thought was beautiful.

Don't worry, it was not my mother-in-law who picked out, purchased, or pasted that hideous wallpaper on those poor unsuspecting walls, so I'm not offending her. :)

This is the view (kinda) as you walk into the kitchen from the dining room. We (again, I use that term loosely) replaced the old linoleum with new tile right when we moved in. Thanks to my handy dad and husband, we now have neutral flooring throughout the kitchen, laundry room, and both downstairs bathrooms. If you notice in this picture below, the door leads into a small hallway with our laundry room on the left and a bathroom on the right. The walls are a color called "Butter". I wish it was a little brighter, but the grass-green cabinets call for something a little more subdued, don't you think?

As of today, we are still working on renovating the cabinets and countertops. I can't decide if I want to just sand, paint/stain them, and get new hardware--or if I want to call a spade and spade and burn this mutha down.

No seriously....I can't figure out how to burn JUST the kitchen, so I've had to learn to live with it until we can save enough to do it the way I really want it done. Or until I win the lottery, which will probably happen before we can save that much! In honor of the "just live with it" motto, I have convinced myself to embrace the grass-green cabinets and laminate countertops. I decided if I can't beat it...I'll accessorize it! So...I throw every funky piece of art I can find (or steal from my mother-in-law and her friends) on the walls and call it a day. Throughout the past years we have collected a Bob Marley painting from Jamaica, a Ginger Woechen "Lucky Dog" canvas, Nana's beer stein (spell check someone, quick!) collection, a bobo painting I did (that you see below on the baker's rack) plus a few other odds and ends that didn't match anything else in my home. Yep...that's how I decorate! Take that Martha Stewart!

Now...since my kitchen isn't exactly where I want it to be right now, I thought I would include some of my favorite designs.

At night, when I curl up in my bed next to H and drift off...these are the kitchens that haunt my dreams. Can you just imagine having a cocktail with your girlfriend here? I sure could! We could sit here at this little island and gossip about how awesome it was that I found someone to make my fridge look like part of the cabinetry. I could astound you with interesting stories about my trip to 'ol Paris, where I scoured antique shops to find my to-die-for chandelier.

And then H would come in and ask why in the world WE needed a chandelier. And I'm back to reality.

This is probably more our style. I like some open cabinets, just not all open cabinets. I also really like open shelves in a kitchen. This room just looks comfortable--like you could hang out and cook all kinds of fish tacos in this place!

But....if I had my absolute D-R-E-A-M kitchen, it would look like the one below. White is so chic and classic. How could you possibly eat breakfast in this kitchen and worry about the emails on your blackberry or the laundry on the floor? I love the tall ceilings with the molding, too. Simply gorgeous.

In reality, I could never have this kitchen in my house. I would have to get rid of Chuck and Lois (the pupper dogs) because dog hair doesn't exactly go with this room. Only someone who owns a Chihuahua or Yorkie could realistically call this place home--not someone with a mutt and a Lab. (No matter how awesome they are!) We just can't do white in the Hysterical District (and it has taken me longer than I care to admit to finally admit that to myself).

And now...a little lagniappe....

My Kitchen Must Haves:

Stainless steel appliances

Granite countertops

Deep kitchen sinks

A window

A hanging pot rack
Wine rack

Ahhh, Bayfest....

Another Bayfest down and I lived to tell the tales! If you aren't familiar with our little city's annual 3-day music festival, let me enlighten you to some of the wonderful and not-so-wonderful things you might experience while strolling through downtown with the masses.

The Wonderful List is pretty short: hanging out with friends and family, fair food, a good song here and there, people watching, beautiful weather, the skyline of our lovely downtown....yep that's about it!

Now for the Not-So-Wonderful List:

First of all, if you have all your teeth you are already ahead of the pack. Apparently a steady intake of funnel cakes, jumbo corndogs, and "homemade" lemonade are not what 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend. They are also not what any nutritionist worth a grain of low-sodium sea salt would recommend either. I am not a skinny gal myself--never have been, and despite dieting and exercising for the better part of the last two decades, I probably won't ever be. However, while I have struggled with my body image at times, I can surely tell you that I have never and will never be 300+ lb woman defiantly eating a jumbo corndog in front of God and everybody.

Secondly, if you are already disillusioned with today's youth, this may not be the music festival for you. I heard such foul language from these hoodlums it made me question our purpose here on Earth. My dad has always said that a person who curses excessively is simply a person with a small vocabulary. And I agree 100%. I also saw so many inappropriately dressed young girls it was enough to make Lady Gaga roll over in her grave. (Even though she isn't dead--just follow me here!) Whatever happened to leaving something to the imagination!?!? Do parents these days not tell their daughters that if you dress like a slut, you're going to be treated as such?!?! I know the moms are usually the ones buying the clothes so I can't fathom WHY these girls are walking around wearing just slightly more than what I wear to bed! (And I usually sleep in my birthday suit, if that's not too much information :)

And that brings me to the next point, which I suppose answers my previous "how do these girls get these hoochie mama clothes?" question. I guess it is hard to tell your daughter to dress appropriately when you are sneaking in her closet when she isn't looking and stealing one of her tops. And then you wear it as a dress. To Bayfest. If I could have conducted a social experiment where I asked random scantily-clad women if they stole their outfit from their 13-year-old daughter's closet and gotten $1 for every yes--let's just say I wouldn't drive a Nissan. My Granny would have had a heart attack if she would have seen these things! I almost did and I'm pretty hard to shock! The only good thing that I can possibly derive from a mom and daughter sharing a shockingly awful wardrobe is that at least they get to spend more time on the street corner hookin' and less time shopping.

I guess I am a glutton for punishment because as much as I'm complaining about Bayfest....this is my third or fourth year! Haha! In my defense, I've always gotten free tickets and VIP passes so it has required little to no effort on my part. Because you can bet your life on this statement--If I had to actually BUY tickets...well, I just wouldn't buy tickets. But with free tickets it is more enjoyable. And in all honesty, I usually do have a good time in the end. Even if the line up is chock-full of one-hit wonders and musicians who haven't been relevant since my mom was quoting "Urban Cowboy", it is fun to go and gawk at the toothless wonders with powdered sugar all down the front of their Shinedown t-shirt.

I don't hate. I appreciate! See ya next year!

It's fall, ya'll!

Fall is officially here! Ring the bells! Sound the alarm! Alert the media! Actually...just walk outside, take a deep breath, and enjoy the simple fact that you don't have a steady stream of sweat dripping down your spine.

And if you're lucky enough to be blessed with curly hair (insert sarcastic eye roll here)--enjoy the fact that humidity is a distant, hazy dream. (But don't get too excited...humidity is a reoccuring nightmare that will haunt you again)

We have been BUS-Y around our neck of the woods here lately! Between work, coaching, my Mardi Gras organization, street meetings, and my ever-evolving social calendar I am one worn out gal!

There have been some interesting new developments in my little world. First of all, my lovely parentals actually have the internets now (Haha--I can't refuse a good GWB joke) and my Mutha is now on Facebook. Ahhhhh!!! This makes me incredibly nervous. I'm not worried about her finding nudie pictures of me online or anything like that, it just makes me nervous and I can't really explain it. I think my opinions might sometimes frighten her. (Although I can't blame her too much) She once told me if I didn't watch out, people back home would think I was one of those "liberals". And then I died laughing.

I finished painting the upstairs with minimal help from the hubs. He did finish rolling it--which is by far the easiest part of painting a room! But it doesn't matter because I was thankful for the relief painter. It looks FAB, but I keep forgetting to take photos. I am terrible with a camera. I don't even know why I have one other than to officially join the 21st century. Well...that and the fact that my bff moved about a bazillion miles away and took her digital camera with her. Now my personal photog that I could count on to record every single detail of our lives (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is stuck in crappy, boring Charleston taking pictures of her dog in front of random large trees. Boo on Charleston!!!

My volleyball team is now 3-0. Go St. Ignatius Impalas! Between practices, games, and one very odd child protection class I ought to be able to repeat the Catholic prayer in my sleep. But honestly...I absolutely love it. The 5th grade girls are super cool and sweet, and the parents have been so supportive and encouraging. It is H's alma mater, and he doesn't let me forget that I have a sports dynasty to uphold. He actually suggested I read Nick Saban's guide to coaching then use some great quotes to motivate my team. Ummm...thanks, but no thanks H! I will stick with telling them things like "Our socks are WAY cuter than Christ the King's--don't let them beat us with those plain 'ol white knee socks, ladies" or my personal favorite to instill some team confidence "If we lose I'm gonna tell all your parents that you are NOT allowed to go to Old Dutch Ice Cream after the game!"

We have a fun-filled October ahead of us, too. So much to do and so much fun to be had! I love this time of year. Football, Bayfest, Shrimp Festival, Halloween in New Orleans....ain't life grand?!? I will try to update more and keep all three of you loyal followers up-to-date on our adventures. I also have some great DIY fall decor that I'm attempting. (Key word: attempt) As soon as I find my digital camera I might actually take some pics to post along with all these words.

Tour of Homes-Hysteric Style

I am participating in "Show Us Your Life...Living Rooms!" from Kelly's Korner blog. I have never participated in her weekly game, but since my blog is SUPPOSED to be about renovating a historic Southern home, I thought this week's topic was right up my alley!

If you're like me at all, you are quite nosy. :) I really have no shame--I will use any excuse to get into your house and look at your furniture, paint colors, bathrooms, accessories, etc. HGTV is almost always on in the Hysterical District, especially if House Hunters is playing! I just love looking at other people's decorating ideas and family heirlooms. I am definitely one of those people who peaks in your medicine cabinet when I use the restroom at your house. And if given the opportunity, I am more than happy to look in your junk drawer and judge you accordingly. Just kidding! (Kinda)

We bought our house in August 2007, about 5 months after we got married. We (and I use that term loosely) have done a lot since then. When you walk in our front door, you are entering directly into our living room/dining room--previously known as the "receiving" room. Since our house was built in 1912 we have old, heart-pine wood floors and plaster walls. Our ceilings are either 10 or 12 ft throughout. (Sorry, I'm only 5'1 so anything over the usual 8 ft is just flippin' tall to me!) It is my dream house--even though we still have a ways to go before it's actually dreamy--and I absolutely LOVE it!

These are a few "before" pics of our house. We were in the process of moving all of my mother-in-law's stuff out at this point. Back Story: We bought the house from H's mom because it just got to be too much for her to handle. It is hard for a single woman to take care of a big old house like this--trust me, something is constantly breaking, cracking, needing a paint job....the list is endless.

This, duh, is the dining room. You can't really tell from this picture, but this is seriously the most beautiful dining room set ever created in a factory. I heart it. It completes me. I whisper sweet nothings to those chairs on a regular basis. I scrimped and saved and sold a TON of advertising to pay for it! (I also had to do some major convincing to talk H into making a purchase like this, but I won't go into the details because this is a PG site. wink wink, nudge, nudge)

This is the living room! Please pay no attention to the flat-screen just chilling on the mantel with numerous cords and wires streaming below. Would you believe me if I said the TV is now professionally installed on the wall and all of the cords are hidden safely behind the plaster? Yeah....I didn't think so. In our defense--dealing with plaster is WAY more difficult than your typical drywall. And, story of my life, it's also WAY more expensive to find someone to work on it!

That is the tour of my living/dining room! If the Magical Cleaning Fairy comes or I get a chance to actually clean the rest of the place, maybe I can participate in more of Kelly's "Show Us Your Life-Home Tours"!

Dear Facebook...

Dear Facebook,

I know we've been together for a while now, and let me start by saying I appreciate everything you've done for me over the past few years. We've been through some good times and some bad times, and I think we've matured a lot over the course of our relationship.

We've had some really great times together. I will never forget the time we sat at my house and watched "Pants on the Ground" until I almost wet my pants! It makes me laugh just thinking about it! Or, when you kept telling me "hide yo kids, hide yo wife" and I had no idea what you were talking about...and then I finally took the time to watch the video, and my life hasn't been the same since! Ahhhh...those were some freakin' awesome times.

It almost felt as if we had our own little language--a way of communicating and keeping in contact without saying anything at all. I always felt special because it was something so simple between us that even worldly, intelligent kings of industry couldn't understand. I know, I know...sometimes we took it too far with all of the "OMFGs" and political stances, but hey Boo...we were kids then.

Which kinda brings me to my point. As much as I hate to admit it, my rose-colored glasses have come off now that I'm faced with such grown-up things as a mortgage and life insurance. I can only handle so many public displays of affection before I lose my mind. You know that ain't my style, after all. I just wanted it to be easy--no commitments, no needless interactions with your friends and family (because you know I've never really liked them too much to begin with). I don't want to sound too modern, or God-forbid even mildly 'liberal', but I was just looking for a good time...no strings attached. We would maybe hook up if we were alone and bored...until this whole thing just got way more serious than I anticipated.

Over the past few months I've been dodging your messages and emails and probably even faked it a couple of times (even though I'm sure you couldn't tell). I'm sure you've wondered why I've ignored your all-too-frequent requests and invitations lately. I should have told you sooner I suppose. I mean, I'm not saying we should totally break up. It's not like I'm gonna "un-friend" you or anything! I guess I just want some time to reconnect with the person I am inside--I think I lost her somewhere between Yo-ville and my own dignity.

Honestly, in the end, I think you know me pretty well. And I don't just mean the superficial stuff like my birthday and my favorite movie! You know the real me....the me that loves Gone With the Wind AND Michelle Obama. You know my dirty secrets, yet you've never judged me. And I know you know I sometimes pretend like I'm asleep or scurry out of the room with some lame excuse when you suddenly appear to "talk"--I shouldn't have treated you like that. It isn't something I'm proud of.

But in the end, it doesn't change the way I feel now. I'm sure I will see you--it's inevitable that we will bump into each other since we have so many mutual friends and so many events on the horizon. Hopefully we can get together like old times and exchange funny stories and photos. And knowing you, you will have some sort of hilarious video or memory-lane worthy tune that will try to suck me back in! LOL....some things will never change!

Like I said, I just need to get back to reality. Please understand it's not you, it's me.

Love,
TDC

If....

If I was a month, I would be October.

If I was a day, oh wait....I was! I mean, I am!

If I was an emotion, I would be brevity.

If I was a direction, I would be due South.

If I was a song, I would be "Ain't Life Grand" by Widespread Panic.

If I was a mood, I would be tranquil.

If I was a color, I would be yellow.

If I was a tree, I would be a pecan.

If I was a tool, I would be a cute broom. With a sparkly dust pan.

If I was a car, I would be a Pathfinder. Or a Volvo if it's Sunday.

If I was a fruit, I would be a grape. Why you ask? Cause grapes go good with everything!

If I was weather, I would be sunshiney.

If I was a season, I would be Spring. Yes I know it conflicts with my month, but just go with it ya'll!

If I was a place, I would be a dock on a bay house along the Gulf Coast.

If I was a food, I would be a fish taco.

If I was a dog, I would be a Lois.

If I was a house, I would be a white-washed beach cottage.

If I was a store, I would be Anthropologie.

The Fellowship of Football

The weather is still hot as blue blazes outside, but I have Fall on the brain! Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. I love the crisp, cool mornings and the beautiful colors of the leaves. I love that my unruly curly hair finally catches a break from all this humidity. People are nicer once the thermometer drops below 80. Outdoor activities even become enjoyable rather than oppressive and unbearable. Overall, there really isn't much of anything I don't like about Fall.

Every year about this time the college football countdown begins. H is beside himself with excitement, even though his favorite college team won the National Championship and his favorite NFL team won the Super Bowl last year. Apparently when all your football dreams come true in one year, all it does is make you hope it happens consecutively. His excitement is cute, and it tends to be contagious. He starts looking for a new hat. He starts tuning in to ESPN practice coverage. He even starts preparing our Football Game-Watching Schedule.

And that is where I come in!

I may not know a tight end from a cornerback or a shoulder pad from an athletic cup (hehe, okay I DO know the difference on that one!), but I do know how to throw a football party! I love football season simply because I love any excuse to host/attend/plan a shindig. There is nothing better than getting a few friends together to watch the game, have a few cocktails, and eat yummy dips and finger foods!

While Harris is busy checking out the opponents' stats and info, I am busy making dips and cleaning the house. Windows and doors are opened so the smell of grills can mingle with the air of excitement. Both men and women spend just a few extra minutes picking the perfect game-day attire. Coolers are washed out and we all contribute a little bit more to the beer economy. Each guest will inevitably bring a dish--simply because that's how it's done in the South. There is always a lot of laughter, food, and libations. At the end of the evening, even the losers tend to go home happy. Or at least full.

Happy Football Fellowship to you all! May your team charge to victory and may God give them wings on their cleats! (Unless your favorite team is playing my favorite team, in which case scratch all of that!)

Geaux Saints! War Damn Eagle! And last but not least....Go Trojans!

Ode to H

I hate blogs that brag on and on about how wonderful life is. It kind of makes me throw up in my mouth because I know darn good and well that life isn't always butterflies and chocolate heart-shaped candies. The real world is not so nice--it's full of bills. And let me tell you, if you're not familiar with bills, they SUCK. I wasn't really familiar with bills until I graduated college, and then life served me a big 'ol plate of hot, steamin' reality. It was terrible, and it certainly didn't taste like chicken.

I got a job, got married, bought a house....all the things a young adult is supposed to do. And even though there have been a few road blocks in our professional lives throughout the past few years, things are finally starting to fall together. (I hope, at least! If you're superstitious type, now would be the time to knock on wood or rub your lucky rabbit's foot for me!)

Thankfully the past has taught me some VERY valuable lessons. Albeit, ones that I sometimes wished I could have learned by watching them happen to someone else, but that wasn't God's plan. After the bumps along the road, it makes me even happier that I have H as the ultimate partner-in-crime.

He doesn't shower me with flowers and surprises. Getting him to take out the trash without being told is a miracle. He can't close a cabinet door to save his life, and sometimes I have to remind him to clip his toenails. But he cleans up good....


And he makes me laugh, which is much more powerful than gold in my book. He gets my jokes and my sick sense of humor. He let me adopt a mutt. He thinks a big booty is sexy. He loves my friends. Most of all--He loves me.

In my life there is no such thing as perfect. Dirty clothes are always piled up, there is dog hair on my floor, and there is always another bill. In my life, the only surprises I get from my husband usually involve some degree of nudity (see The Pants Game).

And overall, I'm blessed beyond compare and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.

Happy Birthday Nana!

Thursday, August 5th, 2010 marked the 90th birthday of H's grandmother. So on Saturday we gave her what all 90-year-old women truly want--a drunken party!

Okay, okay, we didn't really throw her a drunken party, you got me! We did, however, throw her a tasteful, delightful, completely appropriate birthday party suitable for a classy dame like Nana. As much as I would like to, I can't take all the credit. I really shouldn't even take part of the credit, but I'm an only child that loves personal recognition and praise--but at least I'm honest about it.

For a brief recap, the party was last Saturday at the home of some family friends. Somerby, Nana's very posh and upscale retirement community, unloaded a bus-load of senior citizens like an eager mom dropping her brood at daycare for the afternoon. And trust me when I tell you this group was ready to party!

Nana is one of the most amazing women I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Not to sell my own grandmothers short (because they are pretty awesome themselves) but this post is about Nana's birthday so I shall honor her today. Her husband, H's grandfather, died twenty-something years ago. After his passing, Nana decided there was just no time like the present to really start living her life---so she packed a bag and took off looking for adventure. Beginning in her early sixties after Pop's death, Nana decided to travel the world--usually unaccompanied. Now some people might balk at that thought, but I think it sounds divine. She just went where she wanted to go and did what she wanted to do. There are pictures of her in well-known spots like Italy and London, Brazil and Japan. And there are some pictures of Nana in even more exotic locales--the pyramids of Egypt, a fish market in Thailand, on safari in Africa. Even at 90, she is ready to head out of here on the next thing smoking! (I'm not sure, but she may even have a bag packed in her hall closet--just in case.)

At my bridesmaid brunch the morning of my wedding, Nana gave a beautiful Irish toast that I will treasure forever. I felt it was a true welcoming into her clan--straight from the matriach and head of the family. It was on that day that I decided to be more like Nana. Embrace the adventure of the unknown! Don't be afraid to do something you've always wanted to do--even if it means doing it alone sometimes. Most of all, handle things with grace and confidence, and never let 'em see ya sweat. Last but not least, try to collect odds and ends from around the world that you can one day pass along to your grandson (and his lovely wife)--which is how we acquired a wooden carving of a big hand flipping someone the bird.

Last Saturday was one of those experiences where you set out to do something nice for someone else, then you realize in the end that you were the one that was truly blessed. My email-forwarding, digital camera-loving, twistedly humorous Nana-in-law did have a wonderful time celebrating with family and friends. She even shook her groove thang with an awfully handsome and dapper older gentleman.

And somewhere....deep down.....I crossed my fingers that their bus trip home was as wild and crazy as any Spring Break Party Bus rental in PCB ever thought about being!

Minus the stripper pole---she is our Nana for Pete's sake!

The Past Week

The past few weeks have been pretty hectic. Here is a brief glimpse at what my previous week has been like:

First off--I'm still remodeling and renovating the suite upstairs, and I must say it is coming along rather nicely. Just like I figured, I am immensely proud of my hard work! Actually, my pride could be considered a little annoying because I will show anyone my project if they show the faintest hint of interest! Seriously, I would invite Ted Bundy in for a look-see if I caught him strolling down North Reed. It isn't quite ready for pics yet, though. :( My wonderfully talented neighbor, Tall Paul, has also clued me in a spot where I can "find" some "discarded" hardwood flooring--but more to come on that once I figure out if I actually have the testicular fortitude to carry out the "midnight requisition" this plan requires.

Last weekend the puppers and I made a quick trip to K-town for a family reunion. H couldn't attend because he works too much. :( My family is beginning to think I just paid someone to play my husband at our wedding as an excuse to have a party. Like most things in life, there were some high points and a few low points over the weekend. Let's start with the high, shall we? It was wonderful seeing some of my family members I haven't seen in a while. This was the Reeves Reunion, which is my paternal grandmother's family and let me tell you one thing: Don't drink the water around this clan!!! I swear to goodness there were 50 bajillion kids running around. If they could all decide on a leader and rally together they would overtake the adults in a second! Kids aren't really my specialty, but overall it was nice. All of the kids are adorable (I mean, hello...with this gene pool? How could they NOT be?) but it is a little overwhelming for me, being an only child and a non-babysitting teenager. My dogs absolutely love the country so their weekend was especially nice. They take full advantage of the big yard, pond, pool, and donkeys. And our Lab, Charlie aka "Chuck", has a deep obsession with my dad that borders on pitiful. My dad's demeanor is so calm and soothing our weirdo, sketch-ball dog just loves him! My dad will walk around doing chores and "piddlin" and Chuck just follows him with adoring eyes--it's cute. I think he really misses H since he's been off working.

The low point is barely worth mentioning, but I will anyway because it's kinda funny how my mom sold me out. Even though some of my family rented this HUGE RV for the trip to Alabama from Central Florida, they somehow still ended up in my room and I ended up on the couch. All that mobile space and only my cousin and her 2 year-old slept in the dang thing! Apparently my mom didn't think this little tidbit of information was worth mentioning until I was 2 minutes away from their house. But...the joke was on them because the RV was parked smack dab in the middle of their front yard, hooked up to an electrical outlet in the garage! Overall, no harm done--my back is still young enough to take a night on the sofa and it was worth it to see the fam!

H's grandmother's 90th birthday is this Saturday! I am in the midst of losing my mind since a lot of the responsibility got thrown on me at the last possible second. I did the invitations a few weeks ago so I thought my main contribution was over, but I was mistaken. Every spare moment is spent pulling everything together in time for the bash. But in all honesty, I'm happy to do it. Nana is one of the coolest women I've ever met and I'm honored to be able to participate in a party that celebrates her. I think my next post will be an homage to Nana so all two of you can learn a little more about her!

Obsession

I am constantly amazed at the crap that's on television. I call it "crap" because most of it is so ridiculous and mind-numbing even I can't believe I watch it. But watch it I do! And on top of that, I could spend hours commenting and discussing the lives of these people that I only know through the comfort of my flat screen. It is a disease! A drug! An addiction!

And I love it.

My must-see TV is generally focused on Bravo. I am a sucker for any type of reality show that doesn't revolve around singing, dancing, surviving, racing, raising sextuplets, or really any sort of talent at all. I prefer the good 'ol fashioned reality shows about absolutely nothing. I guess this can be traced to the fact that I'm not really talented enough to make a show like American Idol, and I'm certainly not fit enough to do something like Survivor. But thankfully I can down a cocktail and be entertaining!

Case in point: The Real Housewives of _________________ (insert random US city here)

Currently I am enthralled with TRH of New Jersey. Those chicks crack me up! First of all, we have Danielle, who (allegedly) used to be high-class (and I use that word loosely, no pun intended) call girl and might have helped someone kidnap someone in the past. I am a little frightened by this botoxed nutjob, but I must admit I wouldn't mind drinking some wine on her porch! Jacqueline is pretty normal as far as reality show stars go, but her daughter needs a serious attitude adjustment. I'm not a mom, but I can promise you my kid won't be talking to me like that and driving a brand-new Range Rover. Theresa is my fave--I love the relationship she and her hubby have. She always tries to sound intelligent by using big words and cliches but usually ends up saying something like "pot calling the kettle old." Caroline is the mama, and offers great advice from the safety of her kitchen. Her family seems like one that I would like to be friends with. They even play the "Ham Game" which is where they throw ham at each other when the other person leasts expects it. We play "The Pants Game" at my house which thankfully does not involve ham at all, but I'm thinking maybe H and I should add this to our list of ways to drive each other insane.

For some reason it seems like I'm forgetting someone, but I guess if you're on a reality show and nobody remembers you, you're probably not worth mentioning at all.

Why oh why can't Bravo come calling for "The Real Housewives of Mobile"!? Idon't have a huge house or an unlimited budget, which may be the only two requirements to be on a reality show. Now that I think about it, no one would really be interested in a show about me buying dishwashing liquid at the Dollar General. Or getting the oil changed in my Murano.

When I Grow Up

On a day like today, when the weather is muggy (when it isn't raining) and the temperature is so high it ought to be illegal, I often sit at my desk and ponder the meaning of life.

Just kidding, I don't really ponder the meaning of life. I ain't deep like that. Or at least not at the ripe, young age of twenty-seven! I may know many things (like the only President to ever get stuck in the White House bathtub was William H. Taft or that a sea turtle will always return to the same beach of its birth to lay its eggs) but the meaning of life is certainly not one of them. Although I do have some pretty good ideas....wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

I do, however, ponder many other things. The main one being "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

WARNING--this is a loaded question. As a true Gemini, I am the type of person that has many different sides.

My ultimate, ultimate dream job would be a writer. I have always wanted to write for Southern Living or Coastal Living. How awesome would it be to travel to all of these fantastic, charming Southern cities and experience the best restaurants, hotels, events, people, architecture, etc? I can just picture myself meandering down a tree-lined street in Savannah (because you can't just walk in Savannah, you have to meander) or snacking on the best shrimp po-boy New Orleans has to offer. Then I would paint a beautiful picture with words so everyone else could know the unique gems of their next destination. Ahhh...perfection!

If Southern Living doesn't want a somewhat sarcastic, opinionated Southern Belle on staff, then I'm sure 30 Rockefeller Plaza would take me! I have always been a big fan of Saturday Night Live and its cast of characters. I can still quote some "Deep Thoughts" from Jack Handy himself, and I may or may not have reinacted the Blue Oyster Cult skit (I need more cowbell!) with Will Ferrell and Christopher Walken a few thousand times. I also have a slight girl-crush on Tina Fey, but due to current HR regulations, that little tidbit is a moot point.

Now, onto the realm of things that might actually happen....I want to be a lawyer. To be exact, I want to go to law school at Tulane and become an environmental lawyer. I want to fight for the rights of the beauty and majesty that God has blessed us with. The oil spill only makes it even more real to me. All I want to do is stand up and fight for the sea turtles, blue herons, pelicans, dolphins and landscapes of the coast that I love so dearly.

But for today, I'm just gonna sit here and dream. Oh yeah, and answer that dang phone that keeps ringing! What do these people think we're running here--a business or something?!?!?

Champagne Taste, Beer Budget

I'm currently in mid-renovation, and I've lost a little bit of my giddy-up-n-go. I was prepared for this so I've managed to fend off my desire to go play and do fun things. So this weekend...I will be painting!!! Or at least priming!

Since I've fallen off my wagon a bit I have at least dedicated some time to researching different design ideas. The Carrigan Casa is an Arts & Crafts Bungalow/Craftsman style. It was built in 1902 during a time when folks were becoming less rural and more focused on downtown business, which in Mobile was a lot of banking, shipping, and building. A Craftsman-style bungalow like ours was at one point meant to show great pride in the small details. They were smaller homes with less Victorian granduer. It was really about having a home that was functional and beautiful. A lot of the money saved on building a bungalow was put back into the materials and craftsmanship. It's neat to think that I can track some of the original fixtures and elements in my home back to other Mobile landmarks and businesses. Pretty cool!

Here are a few different designs that I've stumbled across that I really like. I guess my personal design aesthetic is funky transitional. I like simple, classic lines with a little bit of funkiness thrown in unexpectedly. I would soften a few of the items, but I really love the black, white and red against the cottage-y ceiling and drop window.

If I were a single woman, living it up in NYC--this would be my bedroom. Minus the ottomans at the foot of the bed. They can either be used for two things: 1. Catching a wad of comforter at the foot or 2. A shelf for laundy, coats, purses, etc. It also could be used to watch the goings-on in the bed, but that freaks me out even more. So, no ottomans in MY NYC bachelorette pad!

I just love this room. It's romantic. It's light and airy. I could do without the drapes around the bed, but overall I love it. I never really understood drapes around a bed. We aren't in Africa fighting malaria. And we certainly aren't waiting on an Arabian Nights-esque love story to unfold. No flying carpets for me...I'm terrifed of heights!

I have a nook in my kitchen. Right now it has a pub table that never gets used for cozy breakfasts or perusing the Sunday paper. Unless I'm using it to pile loads of laundry that need to be folded, it's kind of just wasted space. If I had my way, this would be in that nook. No changes, just absolutely perfect in its nook-ness. And we would use it all the time.

Whew! That is a lot of HGTV for one night! Unfortunately I now have the tough task of trying to create a design that rings true to the craftsman style, but with my budget and my personal touches. Everything I like tends to be out of my price range! (Story of my life, thanks mom!) I still haven't decided on a paint color. Or even an overall purpose of my room remodel. But I'm just trusting it will come to me! Until then...I'm just looking for inspiration all around me!