Being a first-time mother-to-be, there are some things that keep me awake at night. Not necessarily the typical thoughts or what-ifs that come along with a child, thoughts like "Will she be healthy?" or "Will she have ten fingers and ten toes?" and "Will she be cute?" Of course I wonder/worry about these types of things as they are inevitable in a pregnant woman's mind. But for today, I am more focused on the lighter side of pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, and imparting of wisdom that I will face in the next 18 or so years. I don't want to pretend that these are more important than the other more serious concerns like numbers of fingers and toes---but well, the possibilities are just too scary for my mind to comprehend so I prefer to pretend like they simply don't exist.
That's how I've gotten through life thus far, so I will just stick with that method for now.
I am SO lucky to be having this type of pregnancy. After listening to some of my friends talk about their experiences, I half expected to find myself mentally insane, puking my internal organs up from morning to night, or just laying around being fanned by palm fronds while I ate peeled grapes. So far it's been a breeze. As in...I can't even tell I'm pregnant except for the fact that my clothes no longer fit and my boobs are looking fab-u-lous. Well, that and the fact that I could quite possibly blow the doors off a house with the indigestion/burps I have lately. But even in the midst of my pregnancy nirvana, I worry. I worry about things like:
1.) Hemorrhoids--Ummm...no thanks, Baby! I'm good! I have no desire to have these things that I'm not even 100% sure what they are and how they get there, but I know WHERE they are and that is enough for me to know I could do without them.
2.) Poop--I've heard through the grapevine that it is possible for a woman to poop during childbirth. Now H and I have been through a lot together over the past 7-8 years, and we've both seen some things that we wish we could un-see. But pooping on a table is NOT something I want to add to that list. God have mercy on my soul if that happens because I will never live it down. And it might, just might, keep us from having Baby # 2.
3.) Large Baby--I want a healthy baby, don't get me wrong. But is it too much to ask for a child of a normal birth weight? I was a lil thing at only 5 lbs, but H was like Andre the Giant from what I hear. Okay, maybe not Andre the Giant! But to a chick who is only 5'1, an almost 9 lb baby just sounds impossible. And like torture. I am so afraid this baby is going to be a mutant thing with a head like a bowling ball. I'm thinking a cross between that shim wrestler China, me, and H. If that ain't scary, I don't know what is. Seriously...it gives me nightmares.
4.) Breast Feeding--Yep, I'm gonna breast feed. It is by far the healthiest way to nourish a child. It's nature's way after all! And I WILL succeed at this as I'm leaving myself no other option. But I worry so much about it-especially considering I don't know many other moms who did it. Will she like it? Will it hurt? Will it make H feel left out? Most importantly though (and let's be honest) will it make my boobs look crazy afterward? Will one be saluting the heavens and the other be dragging the infield? How do I keep them balanced? Does that pump feel as painful as it looks? Does it come with instructions? Obviously I need to do some reading on this subject before the big day arrives...
5.) Intelligence--We will love Baby C like nothing we've ever loved before, of this I am sure. But what if she's dumb as a box of hammers? I have no patience for stupid. What if she isn't witty and funny? H and I have always said the reason we are together is because we "get" each other. We laugh at the same things, and usually it is something along the smartass lines. (I hate to admit it, but it's true) What if she thinks Larry the Cable Guy is funny and Justin Beiber is the best ever? Yikes. What if we have to go the rest of our lives explaining jokes to her because she just doesn't "get" it?
6.) Details--What about the details? People keep telling me "Don't worry-once she pops out you'll just KNOW! Your motherly instincts will just appear and you'll know!" But what if that doesn't happen? What if God didn't give me a Motherly Gene and instead replaced it with the ability to pinch/pick up things with my toes? I consider myself fairly competent. I'm sure I can figure out how to put on a diaper and such. But how do I learn to trim tiny fingernails? How do I know when she should be eating cereal? What if she doesn't potty train on time? Or at all?
I'm sure it will all come to me/us. Thankfully I have tons of friends who are mommies. And some I even value their opinions! Haha-just kidding! I am prepared for tons of advice, whether I really want it or not. Some we will take and some we will toss--I'm guessing that every new set of parents have to find out what works for them. No two children are the same so there is really no reason to expect two parenting styles to be the same. And I'm hopefully that for the things good 'ol fashioned experience can't remedy (like oddly disproportionate boobies) there is surgery!
Besides, if this baby turns out half as good as our fur children--we should be good!