I will readily admit I am usually an optimistic person. I come from the "old school" where I fully believe in such mantras as, "Life is what you make it," "Crying never solved a problem," and "Buck up, sista, and move on!" I try very hard to be the go-with-the-flow girl that can find the silver lining in almost any cloud. Usually, if I'm upset, not many people know it except for my very best friends, my husband, or maybe my parents.
And even then, it's got to be something pretty rough. I guess I just feel like there are so many other people in the world with real problems that mine seem kind of silly in comparison. I know I am so blessed to never have experienced any sort of real heartache, and that is not a blessing I take for granted. I have had it easy, and I will be the first person to admit that.
But sometimes....I just want to wallow. Sometimes I have bad days. Sometimes things don't necessarily go my way. And those days, well...they are crappy.
I consider myself a people pleaser. I do things for other people that I sometimes don't really feel like doing. I go out of my way to make something easier for someone else. I try to follow the Golden Rule as much as I can. Why? Because I guess I just think it's the right thing to do. If I can do a little something, even if it might inconvenience me a bit, why not do it if it will make a significant impact on someone else? Or even if it's an insignificant impact, it's still an impact. And I swear to you, dear reader, that I don't do that hoping to get something in return. But I do, however, believe that the big karma bank will someday make a deposit back into MY account--or at least I hope it will. Sometimes I just want someone to go out of their way for me, you know?
Everyone deserves to be made a priority, and everyone deserves to have someone else throw a little sunshine their way. I don't think that's a selfish thing to want. I do have some selfish tendencies, but I TRY not to let my only-child demon out too often. (Even when it rattles the cage and scares the dogs)
Today I am just having a Poor, Pitiful Pearl Day. A day when I want someone, ANYONE, to justify the way I feel. To speak out and say, "It's perfectly fine to wallow in your self-pity today, Pearl. Here, you can even use my violin to play the world's saddest song..."
I just need to "Buck up, sista!"
Even though I don't really know if I feel like doing much bucking today. It's probably a mixture of crazy hormones mixed in with this melancholy feeling of insignificance, and like most things in life, "this too shall pass".
I just need to remind myself that it's okay to be Poor, Pitiful Pearl sometimes. As long as Fabulous, Sunny Tiffany comes back soon.