Friday, December 30, 2011

2011 Done Come and Gone

2011 was a banner year for us as we welcomed our sweet little gal, Charlotte. She has certainly made our lives have much more meaning and purpose, and hopefully her little watchful eyes and open ears will teach us to be better parents, friends, and people in general. This was by far the highlight of my/our year, but there are a few more local and not-so-local stories that also made me smile/cringe/shake my head in disbelief, etc.

In no particular order:

1.) The Harvey Updyke Scandal, aka The Toothless Redneck Bammer Fan Who Will Live in Infamy-This crazy dude is in my mind, the typical stereotype of a Bammer (Bama fan in case I have any out-of-state readers). Now I know that there are plenty of decent Alabama football fans out there. I may or may not even be married to one depending on what fall Saturday you ask me, but Updyke is just too ridiculous for this Auburn fan to pass up. First of all, what kind of moron names their kids Crimson Tide and Bear Bryan Updyke!?!?! That's like me naming my daughter Pinot Grigio or Chicken Fried Steak Carrigan. Secondly, how immature do you have to be to destroy not only someone else's property, but property of state historical significance that means SO much to SO many? Couldn't he just have keyed the team Greyhound and gotten the same satisfaction?

2.) The Kardashian Divorce-Let's face it, no one was surprised to see this one coming. Kim is a vapid, fame-hungry celebutante who is only famous because she made a dirty movie with Ray-J. Wait...who? Who the heck is Ray-J and why do we even care? It's sad that with all of her fame and fortune, the only thing she manages to raise awareness about is the downfalls of letting your significant other take dirty pictures or videos of you. Or maybe the benefits of an iron-clad prenup. Either way, I've seen enough of Kim Kardashian and her open-mouth-breathing ex-husband to last me until 3011.

3.) The Royal Wedding-Now this is something that totally makes me smile! (Although the fact that Will is officially off the market is more than a little heartbreaking because he would have made a fabulous second husband) I LOVE Kate Middleton and everything she is-philanthropic, down-to-earth, unassuming, beautiful, classy....all of the good things a future queen should be. Kate-are you sure you aren't a Southerner? Your demeanor (and teeth) would suggest you might have some redneck roots somewhere in that lineage.

4.) Boeing Blows-My little corner of the state was prepped to receive a pretty large government contract to build Air Force refueling jets. We all thought Northrop Grumman was going to be the big winner. Our city council had already put on their party clothes and hired the caterer (literally) when we all got the news that some little manufacturer called Boeing had won The Big One. Apparently some Yankees didn't believe Alabamians were competent enought to built planes, despite the fact we are currently building cars, ships, and spaceships in our dumb, backwards state. Next time I go to to Washington--oh wait. Who the heck wants to go to Washington where it's cold and rainy and those homely-looking folks only eat granola and drink Starbucks 24/7?!?! On second thought, keep your government contract Boeing! We will just stay here and enjoy the 70 degree New Year's Day and eat some cornbread in our trailer parks-our government won't have the money to pay you anyway!

5.)  Oprah Moves On-I can't believe The Oprah Winfrey Show is no more. Where else can we find heartwarming stories about war vets returning to their families? Or see celebrities lose their marbles and profess their undying love a little too excitedly? And let's not forget the "Everybody's getting a new ca-ar!" episode! I never really thought I would win a free car or trip from Oprah, but it was nice knowing the possibility was there. Now I will just have to settle for a free cookie with my next Lenny's sandwich purchase.

6.) Elizabeth Taylor Dies-The lady with the violet eyes passed away in March of 2011. As an equestrian myself, I have always loved National Velvet. I was later introduced to Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof  (and subsequently Paul Newman, swoon) and fell even more in love with Mrs. Taylor. She was beautiful, funny, and knew what she wanted out of life. Her love life might have been a bit troubled, but she taught me there is nothing a sparkly diamond can't fix. Kim Kardashian-TAKE NOTE! This is a true star in every sense of the word.

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