Loss and Gain

Welcome back! Sorry it's been a while since I've written anything, but it sure felt nice to hear from a few friends that I was missed. As usual, we've been busy. Life is just full of well, life these days--work, housework, errands, traveling, etc.

There have been some new "happenings" in our little family. Some are good, some not-so-good. First of all, my first-born fur baby, Lois, passed away VERY unexpectedly. I can't even type the words without tearing up. I loved her so I can't even hardly put it into words. When I first moved to Mobile I knew no one but H and his family. All of my wonderful friends and family were almost three hours away. So I did what lots of homesick girls do--I got a dog.

And she was the best dog in the whole wide world. Full of spunk and love. She was truly a Lab trapped in the body of a dachsund/terrier/mutt body. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about her and missed her warm cuddles. Trust me when I tell you that baby is missed terribly by quite a few people.

On a good, yet equally unexpected, note--Baby #2 is on the way! Yikes! I'm not sure if fear or excitement is the predominant feeling at this point. It's been fluctuating back and forth between the two on an hourly basis.

I'm glad Charlotte is going to have a sibling that will be close to her in age. I hope they are best friends. I hope they learn from each other and fight with each other and take up for each other. I'm excited for Christmas mornings and family vacations.

But I'm really scared. How will I be able to handle my high-stress job and two babies under two? How will I keep my sanity and not end up talking to myself while curled up in the fetal position in a corner? How can we afford private school for two kids? How can I go through LABOR again!?!?! I keep telling myself that God doesn't give you things you can't handle. And I tell myself that this is a wonderful blessing and I should be giving thanks. I know. I am. But I can still be a little afraid of what's ahead, too. That's just normal, right?

I can't even fathom what it's like to have that type of bond with someone. I've never shared that feeling with anyone. Sure, I've got best friends that have been there since I can remember, but I still know it isn't quite the same thing as a sibling. How will I handle the rivalry and jealously? How will I spread my love and attention fairly between the two? What if I really do have a favorite?

These are just a few of the thoughts (terrors!) that fly through my mind a million times a day. Yet amazingly enough, the main feeling is just excitement. Now that the initial shock has worn off!