The DVR as a Metaphor

A few nights ago, as H and I settled in to watch a few of our favorite television shows, we both realized something that was pretty profound:

Our DVR is a good metaphor for our marriage.

I know that sounds completely silly, but hear me out before you judge! We both love the DVR. As two members of the "working class" neither of us have that much time to dedicate to our must-see TV. Or at least not when it is regularly scheduled! So, like millions of other people across the world, we rely on the DVR to make sure we don't miss out on the greats like "Gone With the Wind".

Or "Real Housewives of Orange County".

When it comes to my section of the DVR, you will find a plethora of different shows and movies. I might record "Teen Moms" on MTV, the critically acclaimed "Downton Abbey" on PBS, and a documentary about child soldiers in Botswana all in the same day. I am a Gemini-which is the sign of the twins, or multiple personalities. I like a mixture of so many different things at any given time it almost seems like there is a pageant-obsessed, 14 year-old girl working on a book report operating my remote.

H on the other hand, is different. His viewing habits are much easier to monitor and follow. He enjoys major sporting events, sports talk shows, documentaries about sports icons or historical sporting events, sports news....notice a trend here? These recording traits match up perfectly with the real-life H--a sports enthusiast who is stable, predictable, and completely uninterested in the drama.

As we began to watch our shows that night, I mentioned to him that I had deleted quite a few of his old recordings. There was no need to save the National Championship Game so he could watch it for the fifteenth time.

After I'm done watching a recorded show, I immediately delete it. I'm embarrassed enough to admit I watch "Dance Moms" in the first place, much less to add that I sit through marathons on a Saturday night once everyone is asleep. We need to free up space for future recordings!!!! Likewise, I also discard of things pretty haphazardly in real life. I'm not a sentimental person AT. ALL. Objects and things don't have much meaning for me, so I don't have much trouble tossing things after I'm done with them.

H, however, is the total opposite. For instance, he refuses to let me throw out a hockey puck from his elementary school days back when Mobile was the home of the Mystics. True story. Not sure why he needs that puck or why he wants to relive the glory days of Bama's win over ------- (because I can't even remember or care less), but both live on in our home. One just lives in the drawer next to the fridge and the other takes up valuable space that I will need for "Texas Women".

He tells me there is no need to delete shows to make room for future recordings because the DVR will just delete the oldest stuff to make sure the new stuff gets recorded. He flies by the seat of his pants, not worrying about the little things in life. I fret and worry that an episode of "Beverly Hills 90210" from 1992 will get deleted to record one of Arnold Palmer's classic golf rounds. I like to plan and know that what I want will be there when I want it. But in the end, is it really that important if something doesn't go exactly the way I planned?

Just as we do in real life, our DVR will meet in the middle on a select few shows that we not only enjoy, but bond over. "Mad Men" gets us talking about the generations before us. "Modern Family" will have us laughing over the mundane household issues that can sometimes drag us down. "Doomsday Preppers" leads us to those "what if...?" discussions about government, foreign threats, and mental illness.

And if we're really lucky, we'll stumble across a recording of "Super Troopers" to remind us why fell in love to begin with.

10 Tiffany Things

I've linked up to this blog for "10 Little ______ Things" Friday, and I must admit I am quite a fan. Maybe because I feel like we could really be friends in real life, due to the sarcasm and curse words just to be funny. She's a new mom, too, and thankfully one of the few that doesn't make me feel like I'm only two steps above Peggy Bundy in the Mother of the Year category.

But I digress. Here's my 10 little things from the past week.

1.) Work has become redamndiculous. I hardly have the time to post blogs anymore. Seriously, what do they think this is...work or something!?!?!

2.) Mardi Gras is literally right around the corner. As in, first parade of the season starts tomorrow out on Dauphin Island. It will be Charlotte's first Mardi Gras parade, and I'm just praying she doesn't get hit in the eye/face/head with beads/cups/hard candy/toys. It's a jungle out there folks, and don't think those rednecks are going to let a cute, innocent baby bystander get in between them and a 'nanner moonpie. 

3.) We are on the hunt for new bedroom furniture. And by we, I mean I. One half of this blessed union is sticking his head in the sand and trying to pretend this purchase is not on the horizon. The better half (and you can decide for yourself which one that happens to be) knows it is coming sooner rather than later. I'm thinking something like this:

4.) Katy bar the door! Miss Charlotte is on the move these days and keeping mommy, daddy, and nanny busy. She will be 7 months on the 27th, and she already has two little teeth. So cute! She is crawling, pulling up on absolutely everything, and growing like a weed. At her 6 month checkup (which was Tuesday, oops!) she weighed 17 lbs 15 oz, and was 27.5 inches long. And 100% ADORABLE!

5.) H and I desperately need a vacation or a date night or something! We don't exactly have any babysitters that are beating down the door to watch Charlotte, and although my parents would watch her 24/7 if they could, they live too far away to just drop in on a random Thursday and let us escape for a few hours. So....I guess I can just dream of the date nights we can have again in approximately 18 years after we've dropped Boopsy off at college.

6.) The current weather situation in South Alabama makes my sinuses hurt. Which makes my face and head hurt, which in turn makes me ill and not suitable for public interaction.

7.) I've become obsessed with PBS's new series, Downton Abbey. My DVR said "What the hell is Masterpiece Theater!?!?" when I hit record. It was confused by a show with descriptions like "educational trust" and "glimpses of class and caste". Unfortunately it is more accustomed to Guidos and mothers that say things like "Sparkle, Baby!".

8.) My house needs a major Spring Fix Up. I am not emotionally, physically, or financially prepared for that undertaking.

9.) I've heard that having a dependent really helps when it comes tax season. H and I have already planned the things are going to do with our tax return this year, and all I have to say is we better get a significant amount of money or somebody at the state and federal level is gonna pay.

Not really, but I will be super pissed if I don't get to buy new furniture soon.

10.) I wonder if Bassett Furniture will give me a discount since I mentioned their bedroom suite on my blog? Obviously I'm no Pioneer Woman, but we can all hope, huh?

I love Fridays when I can mooch blog ideas off other people! It's amazing how a 6.5 month old baby can suck the creativity and will to do anything other than sleep out of a person.

2011 Done Come and Gone

2011 was a banner year for us as we welcomed our sweet little gal, Charlotte. She has certainly made our lives have much more meaning and purpose, and hopefully her little watchful eyes and open ears will teach us to be better parents, friends, and people in general. This was by far the highlight of my/our year, but there are a few more local and not-so-local stories that also made me smile/cringe/shake my head in disbelief, etc.

In no particular order:

1.) The Harvey Updyke Scandal, aka The Toothless Redneck Bammer Fan Who Will Live in Infamy-This crazy dude is in my mind, the typical stereotype of a Bammer (Bama fan in case I have any out-of-state readers). Now I know that there are plenty of decent Alabama football fans out there. I may or may not even be married to one depending on what fall Saturday you ask me, but Updyke is just too ridiculous for this Auburn fan to pass up. First of all, what kind of moron names their kids Crimson Tide and Bear Bryan Updyke!?!?! That's like me naming my daughter Pinot Grigio or Chicken Fried Steak Carrigan. Secondly, how immature do you have to be to destroy not only someone else's property, but property of state historical significance that means SO much to SO many? Couldn't he just have keyed the team Greyhound and gotten the same satisfaction?

2.) The Kardashian Divorce-Let's face it, no one was surprised to see this one coming. Kim is a vapid, fame-hungry celebutante who is only famous because she made a dirty movie with Ray-J. Wait...who? Who the heck is Ray-J and why do we even care? It's sad that with all of her fame and fortune, the only thing she manages to raise awareness about is the downfalls of letting your significant other take dirty pictures or videos of you. Or maybe the benefits of an iron-clad prenup. Either way, I've seen enough of Kim Kardashian and her open-mouth-breathing ex-husband to last me until 3011.

3.) The Royal Wedding-Now this is something that totally makes me smile! (Although the fact that Will is officially off the market is more than a little heartbreaking because he would have made a fabulous second husband) I LOVE Kate Middleton and everything she is-philanthropic, down-to-earth, unassuming, beautiful, classy....all of the good things a future queen should be. Kate-are you sure you aren't a Southerner? Your demeanor (and teeth) would suggest you might have some redneck roots somewhere in that lineage.

4.) Boeing Blows-My little corner of the state was prepped to receive a pretty large government contract to build Air Force refueling jets. We all thought Northrop Grumman was going to be the big winner. Our city council had already put on their party clothes and hired the caterer (literally) when we all got the news that some little manufacturer called Boeing had won The Big One. Apparently some Yankees didn't believe Alabamians were competent enought to built planes, despite the fact we are currently building cars, ships, and spaceships in our dumb, backwards state. Next time I go to to Washington--oh wait. Who the heck wants to go to Washington where it's cold and rainy and those homely-looking folks only eat granola and drink Starbucks 24/7?!?! On second thought, keep your government contract Boeing! We will just stay here and enjoy the 70 degree New Year's Day and eat some cornbread in our trailer parks-our government won't have the money to pay you anyway!

5.)  Oprah Moves On-I can't believe The Oprah Winfrey Show is no more. Where else can we find heartwarming stories about war vets returning to their families? Or see celebrities lose their marbles and profess their undying love a little too excitedly? And let's not forget the "Everybody's getting a new ca-ar!" episode! I never really thought I would win a free car or trip from Oprah, but it was nice knowing the possibility was there. Now I will just have to settle for a free cookie with my next Lenny's sandwich purchase.

6.) Elizabeth Taylor Dies-The lady with the violet eyes passed away in March of 2011. As an equestrian myself, I have always loved National Velvet. I was later introduced to Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof  (and subsequently Paul Newman, swoon) and fell even more in love with Mrs. Taylor. She was beautiful, funny, and knew what she wanted out of life. Her love life might have been a bit troubled, but she taught me there is nothing a sparkly diamond can't fix. Kim Kardashian-TAKE NOTE! This is a true star in every sense of the word.

Random Christmas-y Things

Things are super busy at our house here lately! We've had guests coming and going, a tree to decorate, a baby to tend, laundry to do....it's a whirlwind of fun at my house, let me tell you. Because things are busy at home and work, here's a little list of random thoughts/activities/ nonsense that are in my mind now that Christmas is right around the corner.

1.) We DVR'd National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I've watched it about five times already and quoted it about a million. Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit like Cousin Eddie and a beautifully wrapped cat from Aunt Bethany.

2.) I am officially the worst mom in the world. I've been begging H to take a Christmas card photo with us two and our dogs for the past four years. His response has always been, "When we have kids, we'll do a Christmas card. Until then, it's just stupid." Now we have an adorable little girl to complete our family of five (because the two dogs are family, too)--and I totally dropped the ball on the Christmas card. I officially suck.

3.) The Elf on the Shelf stuff kind of ticks me off. Charlotte is still too young to understand about Santa and the importance of being nice rather than naughty, but I can just tell that the dang Elf is going to be just another way for this working mom to fall short of her uber-creative mommy peers. Why do I want the Elf to make a mess that I'm gonna have to clean up anyway? With this being said, I'm sure we will have the Elf on the Shelf one day. And then I can write about it on my blog and disclose how Charlotte's Elf stayed in the same place for three weeks and then miraculously jumped into the plastic bin where we store our Christmas decor.

4.) Pottery Barn Kids escaped my wrath by sending the correct stocking on the second try. Yay PBK! I would have hated to burn those magazines full of adorable stuff in protest because I've already got my eye on a wooden rocking horse and a lounge chair for next year!

5.)There are numerous presents under my tree and none of them are for me. :(

6.) Christmas parties are AWESOME-I'm two down with two to go and excitement is abound!

7.) I'm hosting 13 at Christmas this year! Scary and exciting all at once! On the menu is steaks, shrimp, asparagus, twice-baked potatoes, salad and bread as well as a plethora of desserts leftover from our Christmas Eve festivities. Time to put the 'ol leaf in the dining room table.

8.) My little dog Lois was hit by a car last Saturday-RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I almost had a heart attack. Thankfully she seems to be pulling through the ordeal pretty well. It's no divine conception, but let's just call it my Christmas Miracle.

9.) We watched Saturday Night Live's Christmas Special last night and it reminded me of how darn funny SNL used to be. "I wish it was Christmas to-day-ay!" and "The Hanukkah Song" are still stuck in my head. My dream job is to be a writer for SNL. I consider myself a blonde Tina Fey, in case you were wondering.

10.) I love Christmas. It's the most wonderful time of year. It's so easy to get caught up in the material aspect of this holiday though. I keep trying to remind myself that it's not about what we get or what we give, it's about the birth of Lord. What a great reason to celebrate!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope your days are merry and bright! Hug your loved ones, give a gift to your favorite charity, and don't forget the real reason for the season.

Oh....and remind me next August that I need to get started on my Christmas cards.

Thankful

I am thankful, thankful girl today. Hopefully I'm thankful everyday, but today, after reflecting over my holiday with family and friends, I am even more aware of just how much I/we have to be thankful for.

First of all, I am so thankful for my little family. H and I have turned our little college fling into quite the successful marriage. (At least most of the time!). Along the way we picked up Lois and Charlie, and they added just the right amount of fun-and more than the right amount of dog hair-to the mix. Then, in June, we welcomed Little Miss Charlotte and she became the little blessing we never knew we had been missing. There are so many couples who struggle with infertility and families that deal with incredible trials every day due to illnesses, disabilities, etc...trust me when I say my blessings are not lost on me.

I'm also eternally grateful for my parents. I don't know where I would be without them. Probably broke and uneducated, whereas now I only have to settle for broke. Even though I'm creeping up on 30, my daddy still wonders if I've had my oil changed and my tires rotated. My mom still worries when we haven't spoken in a few days, and she doesn't mind traveling 2.5 hours to help me clean my house. Above all else, they are shining examples for how I want my life, my marriage, and my legacy to be when I am their age. I pray that we are as good of parents as they are. I totally realize we probably won't be, but by George we're gonna try our best!

My life would be a pretty desolate place without my friends. Throughout my life I have truly been given some of the best friends a gal could ever ask for. We are all so different, yet somehow we have managed to mesh together into an odd assortment of "Ladies Who Brunch". I love them so. They keep me sane when #1 and #2 from this list drive me insane. They let me cry. They make me laugh. They make me things like tie-dyed onesies for Charlotte and mimosas on game day. They take ridiculous pictures to document our lives. They make vacation plans and drinking plans and basically any plans that will serve as an excuse to get together-with NO BOYS ALLOWED.

Cause boys are wonderful, but sometimes a gal wants to talk about her period or complain about her husband. Without judgement, thankyouverymuch.

There are so many things I am truly thankful for that I've left off the list. I'm thankful for my aunts and uncles, my in-laws, and my cousins and their beautiful children. I'm thankful for my job with a bunch of pretty darn cool people, Granny's chicken n'dumplings, Hook's BBQ, and the fact that dresses with pockets are cool. I'm thankful we can all enjoy a spirited football rivalry on the last weekend in November.

I'm thankful for a God that has so richly blessed me. I certainly don't deserve it. But as long as I have things to be thankful for, or even if one day I don't have them, I will continue to see the wonderful things in the everyday and thank Him nonetheless.

Random Wednesday Thoughts

Do you ever wonder why we as women compare ourselves to other women so much? Men never seem to do that. Or if they do question their insecurities and compare themselves to other men, they never seem to voice those concerns or even dwell on the outcome of that comparison.

I've never heard a man ask if that other guy's jeans look better than his. And I've certainly never heard a man ask if he was a better father than his neighbor. Or friend. Or even a random dude at the grocery store.

Before I actually was a mom, it was so easy for me to judge other moms out there. I would venture to say I'm probably not the only one who has watched another mom's disciplinary tactics or listened to them voice their struggles and though to myself, "Ha! I will NEVER have that problem because my ways are so much better!" All I know is that I want to make the absolute best decisions for Charlotte, and I want to be the absolute best mom I can possibly be. I'm sure I will make mistakes because mistakes are inevitable in life. Thank the good Lord, we all make them.

I'm trying very hard not to compare myself to other moms these days. In the beginning, it really broke my heart that I wasn't able to breastfeed. If other moms were able to do it, I should have been able to as well. I was literally pissed off that for some reason so many other women had managed to conquer this feat, some even quite successfully. While my baby was just starving to death, there were other moms who bore their leaky boob pads proudly. It killed me! And I saw the look of disdain in some eyes when I shamefully admitted I was using formula to nourish my child. It was hard to overcome that feeling of inadequacy, especially in the beginning when I felt inadequate at everything!

As I strolled my Target onesie-clad baby and adorable little neighborhood girls wearing their adorable smocked bishop dresses just to play in the yard...I must admit I was originally more than a little intimidated. I would compare sweet Charlotte to their children and myself to the moms....and just feel like I fell totally short of the mom I expected myself to be. I threw my own little pity party on more than one occasion.

Facebook and blogs can also be a warzone for women, even if it is unintended sometimes. Some of the responses or comments I read are just so hateful and harsh it blows my mind! It almost makes you afraid to be honest about the things you want to discuss. It's rough looking at other peoples' photos and seeing extravagant birthday parties or crafty home decor. Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge those people at all. I'm happy that they can manage to do all of those things, but there is some jealousy there, too, if I'm being totally honest. It's hard not to fall short every once in a while when you are trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Sometimes I find myself on the good side of my comparisons. I would think to myself "I'm never going to pawn my kid off on a babysitter every single weekend like so-and-so" or "I will spend much more time reading to my child rather than plopping them in front of the TV every evening." No, I'm not proud of it. Pride and insecurity are scary things to face, especially in the midst of the biggest unknown (new parenthood, duh) of my life thus far.

I've compared mine and H's relationship to other marriages. And let me tell you-that is pretty much always a recipe for disaster. There is always going to be someone else's situation that looks better from the outside looking in. It might look easier or more effortless, more loving or more romantic. But then again, you never get to see the stains on the carpet when you're on the outside looking in.

I really feel like this is a terrible habit of the female gender. I hate that so many of us feel like we have to tear other women down to build ourselves up. And I hate that we compare ourselves and our lifestyles to each other on so many different occasions when the simple truth is this: We are all different. Gloriously different. We have different kids, different parenting styles, different marriage relationships, different friendships. We like different foods and kinds of underwear; we even watch different televisions shows and like different kinds of music. It doesn't make me wrong and you right, it just makes us interesting and unique.

Now that I am in charge of the growth, develop, and general outcome of another human being, I'm trying really hard not to judge others so harshly. I've learned that maybe a more laid-back, less judgemental mom is the best kind of mom to be. And I've learned that sometimes the best intentions don't work out the way we planned or expected, and I would hate to know that someone is basing their opinion of me as a mother (or woman) on one simple mistake or bad decision. In the end, it doesn't really matter if Charlotte is wearing a smocked dress on a random Tuesday (although she did yesterday, yay for me!) or even if she doesn't have socks on when the baby next door is dressed like an eskimo when it's still 80 degrees outside. My baby might be smarter than yours, or she might not be potty trained before yours. But I'm going to try my best to reserve judgement and remember that all kids will reach their own milestones in their own time. To quote "Jersey Shore"... "I'm gonna do me. You do you"

I'm fairly certain it will make for a better life in the end.

However, let me worn you in advance....if you have stuffed animals in the back windshield of your car---then yes, I will probably still judge you.

But just a little.

Typical Monday

Disclaimer: You know it's going to be a doozy when the disclaimer comes at the beginning of a story! But I want to warn you, this post is pretty gross so please go back to Facebook now if you have a weak stomach.


That night was rough. And oddly enough, it had nothing to do with having a new baby at home. She was completely innocent and blessedly immune to the trials and tribulations at our house on Monday, September 19th, 2011. The day that will live in infamy.

It all started when I walked in the door after a long day at work...

As I walked in the door, H said "Don't freak out! I know he smells like shit and I'm about to bathe him right now. He rolled in doodoo on his roam and now he smells terrible!"

The "he" H was referring to was our Chocolate Lab, Charlie. Aka Chuck. He likes to go for an afternoon roam around our neighborhood, but he usually comes back unscathed. And he had indeed rolled in some serious doodoo pile somewhere along our street. The whole house smelled like a bucket of crap. It smelled SO terrible it made my eyes water. And I'm used to smelling some pretty stinky stuff!

So H grabbed Chuck's leash and some shampoo and hauled his dirty butt outside for a bath. The poor dog was COVERED in dried, caked-on doodoo. It was all over him, including his previously red collar. Charlotte, Lois (the little dog) and I walked outside with them to watch the rather amusing spectacle. Then we took a nice leisurely stroll around the 'hood so Chuck would dry off somewhat. Ahhh...peace and sanity still ruled at this point in the evening.

When we walked back inside after our walk, the ENTIRE house smelled like poo. I thought "What is the deal?!?! He just had a bath, he doesn't stink now, why does the house smell like the toilet at a fraternity house!?!?!?" We searched and searched and eventually found the culprit.

It was underneath the bed.

Apparently not only had he rolled in some other dog's "surprise", he'd also eaten it. Yep. I said eaten it. And then he threw it up in a nice, neat little pile underneath our bed. And it smelled about the way you would expect it to smell.

Now is the time to mention H has a very weak stomach. That means Super Mom here was left to clean up that pile of disgustingness. He lifted the bed while I cleaned.

And all was right with the world again.

Until Chuck got on the couch and puked up the rest of his afternoon snack. At this point, I'm wondering exactly what kind of boots I want to make with dog hide, but I grab some paper towels and start cleaning. H grabs a garbage bag and attempts to help me dispose of the mess.

And then H vomits on the floor, too!

Heaven help me! I'm about to have a purse to go with those boots now!

So I cleaned up THREE piles of vomit last night. Count 'em: THREE! Like I said, it was a rough night in the Hysterical District. Thankfully sweet little innocent Charlotte slept right on through this debacle or I would have had to have been committed. But it's nothing a BIG glass of wine on my doodoo-free porch couldn't wash away!

Thank you Lord for dogs and husbands. My life would be awfully boring without them! But I'm warning you, think long and hard before you complain about another shitty Monday. It could always be worse!

Don't Put Your Horse All In One Basket, or Whatever...

My hopes are like a penis on Viagra-once they get up, I just can't get them back down no matter how hard I try.

I had what I thought was going to be a great opportunity kind of fall into my lap this week. It was unexpected and made me realize maybe I had been missing things in my professional career that I didn't even realize I was missing. I tried not to "put the cart before the horse" or "put all my eggs in one basket" or whatever other cliche's that are just witty ways to say "don't get your hopes up and plan on something happening before it happens because then it probably won't happen and you'll be screwed AND disappointed all at once."

And of course, I did just that.

But here's the funny part...

As excited as I was about this new opportunity, I was afraid all at the same time. Along with a nice paycheck and a new iPad, it also came with lots of stress. And a lot of stress + a new baby might not be wise. Plus, I really do love the company I work for now, and I love the people even more.

So I prayed. I prayed that God would somehow show me what would be the best option for me and that HIS plan would prevail. And that He would show me what that plan would be.

Everything fell apart this morning and nothing panned out the way I thought it would. I was sad and disappointed and once again felt screwed out of what I thought should have been mine. They don't know what they're missing! They don't know how awesome I am! They don't know how badly I want a new iPad!

Of course about half-way through my pity party I realized that maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. That maybe God had answered my prayer and told me to "Be patient. Be content. I have other plans, bigger and better plans for you than this."

And it made me feel a lot better once I listened.

Disclaimer: I fully realize that I somehow managed to write a blog containing references to God and Viagra. Thankfully I've watched a lot of American Idol auditions so I know God has a sense of humor, too.

TDC

Back to School

I keep seeing all of these Facebook status updates about kids and teachers heading back to school, and it really brought back some memories for me. There was nothing more exciting than the first day of school!

The first day of school , whether it was kindergarten, seventh grade, or senior year, was such a fresh start. The entire year was up ahead and there were endless possibilities for fun--field trips, dances, football games, spend-the-night parties, etc. I was an only child so by the time August rolled around I was usually O-V-E-R summer. It was too hot and too lonely for my taste, and I actually enjoyed school.

First of all, there was nothing better than getting a whole new wardrobe for the fall. My mom always took me for a big, long day of "Back to School Shopping". Granted, I hated that day of shopping, but I sure loved having new clothes and shoes to sport! I literally would have rather gone to the dentist than gone school shopping, just ask my mom.

For me, the ABSOLUTE best of the best was going to shop for supplies. Even now, there is nothing that blows my dress up quite like a fresh notebook and a new pack of pens. I remember I would sit down in the living room the night I got my supplies (because honestly, who could wait until the night before schoo!?!?) and organize all of my notebooks with paper, dividers and other accessories.

And Heaven help us all if there was a planner involved! Planners were (and still are) some of my favorite things in the world.

I just re-read that sentence to myself. Yes, I do realize I sound like a nerd. And I'm perfectly okay with that.

With each new year came a new teacher. And thankfully most of my teachers were completely awesome. I remember one that really wasn't, but the rest were great. I was a good student. I liked to learn and I picked things up easily. However, even though my report card was always straight A's, I would always get the same comment "Tiffany is a great student, but she talks too much and can be disruptive to others."

To which I would say...ummmm, duh? There is WAY too much going on in my head to sit quietly and listen for any long period of time. I'm not good at "quiet" or "still".

Now that I am getting on up there in age and my (many) years of school are more than likely over, it makes me a little nostalgic for those first-day jitters. For the excitement of opening up my new notebook and writing my name and the date in the top right-hand corner. For walking into the auditorium during that first assembly. For learning the ins and outs of that new teacher's personality.

Maybe it was just that my elementary and high school was just that awesome that they have each left such a lasting impression on my life. Or maybe it was that my teachers were so amazing that they managed to somehow make school not just a place to learn, but a place to experience new and exciting things every day. Learning was fun, just as it should be.

And if any of my old teachers ever read my blog, I would like to formally apologize for talking too much. If it makes it any better, I have somehow managed to get a B.S. and make a career out of Talking and Shooting the S#&t.

Okay, okay, it's really called Marketing and PR, but it's basically the same thing if you've ever met anyone in sales.

Happy First Day of School, lil chickens! Enjoy that new Lisa Frank notebook!

TDC

The No-No List

For the duration of this pregnancy I have been planning, anticipating, thinking, scheduling, and contemplating parenthood. I have already decided that my child will not only be absolutely adorable, she will no doubt also be the smartest, funniest, wittiest, coolest, etc child that ever graced the planet.

Well...duh! If you are a parent or about to be a parent in less than 4 weeks and you DON'T think those things, I would be worried.

And of course, it must be said that the main reason why Sweet Charlotte will be so smart, funny, witty, adorable, and cool is because she will have the most intelligent, well-read, well-intentioned, and maternally blessed mom in the world. Oh yeah and dad, too, but this is my blog not his so let's focus on what's really important here.

Well...duh, again! If I didn't think I was going to be a fantabulous mom I wouldn't have been actively doing the deed that causes such things.

So in all my wisdom I have compiled a list of things that I/we will NOT be doing once Charlotte arrives. Now, if you find yourself somehow on the following list--please do not be offended. I fully realize that all children are different and all parents have different parenting styles. And I also realize that I am writing this pre-baby, before I've had to deal with the not-so-glamorous side of mommyhood. So take it all with a hefty portion of of salt.

Pregnancy Photos
I am talking about belly-baring photos here folks. I wasn't exactly thrilled with the "before" belly shots so I can be damn certain there will be NO photos of my belly while I am with child.

Delivery Room Photos
Call me vain, I don't care. But there will also be NO photos of any kind in the delivery room. Write it down because this might as well be written on the 10 Commandments that Moses brought down from the Mount. "Thou shalt not have pictures of your vagina on record-no matter the circumstances". I am more than happy to pose for pictures with my beautiful baby AFTER we are appropriately groomed and ready to make our debut, thankyouverymuch.

Co-Sleeping
H and I have a queen-sized bed that we already share with our 13 lb furbaby, Lois. And occasionally a 70 lb lab that likes to sneak in while I'm sleeping alone. Besides the fact that there is just literally no room at the inn, I'm a firm believer in the fact that babies and children need their own space just like adults do. Beds are for naughty, adult things like eating ice cream and watching reality television, NOT for "family togetherness" and such. Now I realize that if my child is scared or sick, this rule is bendable. But the exceptions will be few and far between, trust me.

Bedtime
Charlotte will have a bedtime until she is no longer living under our roof. We will not be those parents who let our child stay up until all hours of the night. Children and babies need structure and schedules. It helps them learn and pay attention, aids in digestion, makes them happier and more emotionally well-balanced....the list goes on. I had a bedtime until I left for college and look how great I turned out! Once she enters the real world and has a job, she will realize that even adults do better with a bedtime and schedule.

Homeschool
I think parents who homeschool their kids are weird. I also think most kids who are homeschooled are weird. Sorry! But seriously...kids learn more from school than just what they get from books. It's all about the experience as a whole-just like college. And as much as we might want to shield are children from the weirdos and freaks of the world, I don't know of any adults who have figured out how to hide from the weirdos and freaks once it comes time to do adult things like pay a mortgage. Embrace the freaks at an early age, that's my philosophy. If you can successfully dodge them on the playground, the office water cooler will be a breeze in 20 years.

Breastfeed
Yes, I am going to breastfeed. And I will do so successfully because I refuse to accept the alternate option of failing. I'm a winner and I will win at breastfeeding! (I repeat this quite often so don't laugh at me!) But, with that being said, I will not be one of those moms who is breastfeeding in public. Eewww. I know, I know...it's natural and blah, blah, blah. That's why they made bathrooms. And dressing rooms. And cars. There is no need to whip these things out in public and make other people watch my child at the trough. I don't want to watch YOU do it, so you know--the golden rule and all that stuff.

Also under this heading, but Point B: I will not be breastfeeding my toddler. Once the kid is old enough to say "Yo mom, whip that boob out! What's a kid gotta do to get some lunch around here!?!" I think it's time to move on to other options.

Again, feel free to laugh at my haughty list of things I think I won't be doing as a parent. In five years, if I'm still writing and imparting wisdom to the masses, feel free to laugh at me if you catch me breastfeeding my baby from the shopping cart while I peruse the isles at my local Winn Dixie. I promise I won't blame you one bit.

36 weeks and counting,
TDC

Another Random Thursday

I got a request from a fan of my blog (and don't worry, I don't really think my friends are "fans" I just like saying that cause it makes me feel good) to hurry up and write a new post! I was thrilled that someone actually cares about anything I have to say, although I've always thought my own opinion was pretty darn valuable! Unfortunately, I don't have much to say these days. Things are be-bopping along quite nicely with the pregnancy as I triumphantly enter my third and final trimester. 12 weeks or less until this sweet lil gal makes her appearance! We're pumped, excited, scared, worried, busy, broke, curious, petrified.....the list goes on but I'll just stop there. You get the picture I'm sure. With my mind completely absorbed by all things baby, I guess this might be one of those random posts about not much of anything important. Here goes! 1.) I need a tan. I was pasty before, which is the norm for me during the winter months. I don't really believe in tanning beds anyway, and of course I can't get in one now anyway. I like to worship the sun safely--with SPF 30 slathered on all exposed areas. Big looks better brown, didn't you know? I bought a baby pool for the backyard so I could tan in private. And then the temp dropped and my lab has gotten more use out of it than me. 2.) The upstairs "Guest Suite" that I chronicled earlier on my blog is now complete (minus the furniture). But I'm too lazy to upload the photos and share it with you. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna post them at some point in the next few days, but until then you will have to be content in knowing that I laid in the floor of my house for the first time in almost 4 years. And it was wonderful! 3.) The nursery is almost done! We are just waiting on the dresser to finally get here because apparently it has been held up somewhere between Mobile and the facility in Mississippi. It is only a 4-hour drive and I'm sure there are multiple delivery trucks going back and forth throughout the course of the day....but for some reason the dresser is delayed "In Transit." I guess that means someone in Mississippi is using it to store their moonshine or fighting roosters in it for the weekend's festivities. 4.) Facebook. Ahhh, Facebook. Why do people insist on putting such personal information on Facebook? I'm constantly amazed at the crap some folks will post. First of all, let me say that you are NOT going to win that boyfriend back by A) announcing via status update how much he's lost B) Telling him how pathetic he is for dumping your crazy tail and/or C) trying to guilt him into taking you back with sad posts about your lonely future. Whatever happened to "don't let 'em see ya sweat?" That was always my motto. Well, that and "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with!" 5.) I bought a Nook, which is an eReader similar to a Kindle. So far I love it, but I'm a weirdo that likes to read. That's about all I got today. This weekend is going to be full of golf and baby pool fun (if the weather warms up). The Masters is this weekend so I'm sure I will have to watch H's golf swing about a million times, plus hear him go on and on about the azaleas, Phil, Tiger, how cool it would be to play that course, how much he wants to go to Augusta, how he needs to quit his job and dedicate his life to golf so he can make the tour.... Although I wouldn't mind being drug along behind him to fancy private clubhouses across the country for cocktails, press parties, spa days, etc! Mom, I will even let you come along and be our nanny while we travel the circuit! What can I say, I'm nothing if not generous!

My Anniversary Gift

Our 4th wedding anniversary was March 17th (St. Patrick's Day!) and H went ALL OUT on the gift. And I'm not using any sarcasm when I say this either. The poor guy might have failed miserably on Valentine's Day for two years running, but I must admit he knows how to give good gifts when it comes to the most important occasions. He got me a delightful gift card to Nou Veau Salon & Spa. Although I've had massages in the past, I've never been here because it's a little on the pricey side. His gift card was over the top, but this pregnant lady NEEDED a good rub down! So I escaped to the spa on Saturday afternoon while he hit up the golf course. It was a win-win situation for both of us, what can I say! I got the "Mommy-To-Be" Massage and it was everything a massage should be. Relaxing, soothing, wonderful, etc, etc, et al. But....yes, I've noticed all my stories have a but. I'm really not a complainer, I swear to you. These are just a couple of random things I noticed while being groped by a woman named Yolanda. First of all, when you walk into the treatment room she says, "Please get as undressed as you feel comfortable, and get under the sheet." I immediately think, "As undressed as YOU feel comfortable, or as I feel comfortable?" If it were up to me, I would strip nekkid as a jaybird, tell her not to waste time with that sheet, and get to rubbin'....but I figured that might get be disbarred from the spa and therefore make the rest of my gift card amount null and void. Sooooo...I strip to panties and call it a day. Question: Is "underwear only" too naked? Should I have kept my bra on, too? Yolanda was wonderful, really she was. But she was a talker. And I as talkative as I am, there are some times when I just want you to shut up. The little Vietnamese ladies that do my nails? You know the ones--I feel no need to carry on a useless conversation about my day, my job, my family, my belly, or my weekend plans. Just paint my toenails, rub my feet, and let me read about Charlie Sheen in peace, thankyouverymuch. Same goes for Yolanda. As happy as I am that you thought you pooped on the table during childbirth, I just want to check out and relax for the next 60 minutes. Overall, it was a wonderful experience. If any dudes ever read this and find their wife/girlfriend/booty call in the family way--PLEASE buy her a Expectant Mother Massage. It will make her feel relaxed and loved, all at the same time! And on a totally different note: Apparently we are back to the drawing board with names. H informed me he wasn't crazy about Dayleigh. Personally I think the next time he pushes a baby out of HIS vagina he can name it whatever in the hell he wants to name it, but I guess that wouldn't be very nice of me. So.....Baby C is unnamed yet again! :(

LONG Weekend

Whew. I'm pooped! It's bad when you need to come back to work just to recover from the weekend. And that is especially bad if the weekend didn't even involve any alcohol beverages and Waffle House trips at 2 am!

My parents came down for the weekend and we set out to conquer quite a list of chores. H was working, so he foolishly thought he would be let off the hook. Little did he know....our kitchen sink and my dad had other plans.

Friday night we rode down to The Wharf in Orange Beach for the Zac Brown Band concert. I only go to few concerts every year, and most of them are Widespread Panic shows so this was a treat for me. Plus it's really nice to do something fun with the parentals every now and then. I realized my mom obviously hasn't been to a concert or sporting event in about 15 years because she was shocked and appalled by the $6 beers. Note to mom: Don't ever go to the Super Dome where Bloody Mary's are $12 and domestics are $8! The bleachers are much more uncomfortable when you are 6 1/2 months pregnant, but other than that it was a blast. And it was cute to see mom and dad snuggling and dancing to the slow jams.

Saturday morning, my parents where up with the chickens AS USUAL. Apparently no one ever told them that weekends are for sleeping in because they were up at the crack of dawn. Seriously--we had walked the dogs, gone out for breakfast, and taken showers before 8. Sigh. Unfortunately I will never break them of this habit. Trust me--I've tried.

Mom and I set out to register for baby items. It is just as much fun as it sounds! I'm not really much of shopper, it's just never been my cup of tea. I'm good for an hour or so and usually one or maybe two stores. But all day trips are just not for me. I think it stems from an incident in my childhood that I refer to as "The Living Room Curtain Debacle of '94". It was a terrible, horrific day of my life that involved my mom dragging me to multiple department stores in and around the Wiregrass area in search of living room curtains. We spent 9 hours looking at-you guessed it-curtains. And we went back to the same stores more than once to "get a second look" at things. I eventually passed out from exhaustion in the floor of Dillards and got a good 2-hour nap.

It took me an hour to pick out my wedding dress, if that tells you how hard that whole experience was for me.

Anyway....back to my point. She really helped me with the registeries because if it would have just been H and I, we would be lost. As a matter of fact, our first trip to Babies R Us should have been filmed we were so clueless! So now we will have a ton of stuff, even if we don't know how to use half of it! Who am I kidding--I don't even know the purpose for half of it! And mom had me registering for everything under the sun. I bet the CEOs of Graco and Walmart are sitting in their plush offices having a good 'ol laugh at the suckers who find it necessary to buy some of this stuff. And then they go out on their yachts and toast to my mom--the lady who thinks it's necessary to buy a mesh sack to wash baby clothes in. Because obviously you can't just put clothes in the washing machine!

Meanwhile back at the ranch...dad was busy fixing a leak in our kitchen sink, which I thought meant replacing the washer in the faucet. I came home to discover my husband and dog under the house and half of the backside of it laying in the yard. Apparently our drain pipe was half rusted through and the contents of our garbage disposal have been piling neating under our house for the past few years. Yum.

After MANY enjoyable hours of my dad (the perfectionist) and his son-in-law (still tired from his night shift the previous night) working on the pipes AND 7 trips to the local hardware store, everything was patched up and ready to go. I bought pizza for my labor crew and they settled in to watch a bootleg copy of True Grit while I hit the hay at the exciting hour of 9 pm.

Woo hoo for Saturday nights!

Good thing I went to bed early because I was up early AGAIN the next morning. But sadly not early enough to catch the sunrise trip to Krispy Kreme donuts that our two houseguests took. So mom and I walked the pooches while daddy did a final inspection on his handywork from the day before.

And lo and behold...the dang pipe was leaking again! Arghhh. It's enough to make a saint cuss--and he did, actually! But after one trip to Lowe's and about 3 more hours worth of work--the pipe was repaired and the giant gaping hole in the back of my house was patched. Patched with plywood, but it was patched nonetheless.

Then mom and dad got the heck out of dodge before he found another task to tackle.

And I promptly took a 2 hour nap to recover from my hard job of supervising the repairs.

Overall, it was really a great weekend. Dayleigh's room is painted, furniture is en route as I type, and the registries are DONE. I kid and joke and give them a hard time, but it's always great when I get to see my parents. I love them dearly and they provide some nice perspective into the Hysterical District. Plus my mom likes to clean, which is an added bonus!

And she can always find some dog hair to sweep up!

Consignment Shopping Mishaps

Consignment Shopping: The verdict is in and it's not for me.

I had a very interesting first-time consignment sale experience that probably doesn't really show me in the best light. But....the truth will prevail, I suppose.

After listening to countless mommy friends talk about the wonders of consignment shopping, I really and truly thought it was going to be the best thing since sliced bread. In my consigning dreams I imagined beautiful pink smocked dresses just waiting to be monogrammed with little Dayleigh's initials, scores of miniature Ralph Lauren Polo dresses and onesies, and cheap furniture without a single scratch or dent.

My dream was a little off.

I don't want to sound like a snob. Trust me, I am not. I have clothes from Walmart that I sport just as proudly as a dress from The Limited. We have a pretty strict budget that I am learning to stick to, even though budgets are hard for me. So basically I want to preface this by saying it's not the fact that my darling will be wearing some other little girl's dress. I just don't like the atmosphere of digging through racks and racks of crap to find a treasure. Some folks love a good treasure hunt. I don't. I like it when the treasures are neatly laid out in plain sight, I pick it up, buy it and get the heck out of dodge quickly.

I'm just not a shopper.

Since I was not a cosignor (meaning I didn't have any baby clothes to sell in the market), I had to actually volunteer to work--get this--8 HOURS of my life in order to shop the pre-sale. The pre-sale allows you to shop before the actual event opens to the public, i.e. before all the adorable smocked dresses get picked over and I'm left to choose between a stained Miley Cyrus onesie and bloomers with no ruffle. (God forbid, my child MUST have ruffles on her little diapered booty) As much as I questioned giving up such a huge portion of my life to volunteer where other people can make tons of money, I was disillusioned by thoughts of cheap baby clothing and stuff that my unborn child simply could not live without.

So I pre-shopped the pre-sale. It was scary. And that's an understatement. First of all, I was grossly unprepared and that was obvious when I was the only gal without an Olympic-sized shopping bag or my clothes basket to carry my loot in. I walked in carrying my Blackberry and keys. First fail.

Then I elbowed my way among women with no bras, women with crying children who also didn't want to be up at that time of morning, and more than one mullet. I found a few smocked dresses, a few Polo outfits (stain-free, score!), but no cheap yet beautiful furniture that was longing to live in my delightful nursery. Sure, there was furniture. But it was mainly odds and ends that would have taken much more interior decorating prowess to bring it all together than I currently possess.

So basically I spent about $60, and had to donate 8 hours worth of time. That equates to $7.50 a hour worth of stuff I bought. And honestly...it wasn't worth it.

But then something terrible happened.

I blew off my scheduled work time. Oops. (Insert evil grin here)

I actually went to the market to work my first hours, then realized there were more volunteers than shoppers. So I quietly crept out after only staying about an hour of my 4-hour shift. Don't judge me! I work a 40-hour week and the last thing I want to do after I get off work is go to more work--especially work I don't get paid for.

And then later I discovered the director of the market does a roll-call at the end of the evening. Damn. Second fail. So I faked an illness circa my college days by pouring on a few sniffles and sounding extra pitiful.

And it worked!

But then, as time wore on, my Baptist guilt (much like Catholic guilt--or really any sort of religious guilt I guess) started to weigh on my conscious. I felt terrible for taking advantage of the pre-sale, even with its assorted masses and lowly finds, and not putting forth the required work.

So what did I do?

I spent last Saturday working the 75% off sale, CASH ONLY consignment sale that benefitted the American Cancer Society and the Mitchell Cancer Center. I felt needed because there was only a small handful of volunteers (like 3 of us) and the crowds were large and in charge. And my conscious breathed a BIG sigh of relief.

Hopefully I have made amends and my karma, or juju, or whatever you want to call it is all right again.

At least until next time. :)

Learning lessons one day at a time,
TDC

A New Favorite Quote

Just a little somethin' to think about this weekend....


It's interesting that in the Bible, in the book of Ecclesiastes, the only practical advice given about living a meaningful life is to find a job you like, enjoy your marriage and obey God. It's as though God is saying write a good story, take somebody with you, and let me help.
-Donald Miller
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Trojans One and All!

Today on Show Us Your Life over at Kelly's Korner, she has chosen Alma Maters as the topic for the day. I am very proud to be a graduate of Troy University (although it was Troy State University) when I was there, so I thought I would link up and give ya'll a few juicy tidbits about good 'ol T-Roy in Troy, Alabama.

Troy University might not bring up the same amount of recognition or heated discussion that Auburn or Alabama, but those that walked the halls there are more than happy to tell you just exactly why bigger isn't always better. Troy had the perfect mixture of all the other schools. We were big enough for fun football games and events, yet small enough that teachers could call you by your first name. Classes were intimate and I believe teachers felt that sense of classroom community, too. I always felt that my advisor, the delightful Prof. Donna Clark Schubert, and really almost all of my teachers, felt that my level of education was a priority to them as well. Our colors were cardinal, silver, and black and the Trojan warrior was our mascot. Our football team was and is still working our way up the D-1 rankings, conquering some pretty fierce foes from time to time!

I learned so much during my time at Troy. I began as a freshman in the Fall of 2001, and ended up graduating just a few years later in December 2005. It only took 4 1/2 years, which I thought was pretty successful considering the social calendar I kept.

Sidenote: I used to have a friend with a VERY proud mama that would always talk my parents' ears off about how wonderful lil Suzie (names have been changed for privacy reasons) was doing at college and how she worked a full schedule at the school, managed straigh A's, blah, blah, blah....My dad's reply was always, "Well Tiffany has a lot of fun!" Thanks Dad, and don't worry-you weren't lying with those words! :)

My years at Troy taught me about who I really was. I learned that I shouldn't even waste my time with degrees that involve too much math and that 8 am classes are just not for me. I learned that sisters are just as cool as I had always imagined. I also discovered that my checking account was magically linked to my parents' account so checks never actually bounced, the funds were just deducted from their account. (Sorry again, Dad) And that you can change your report card address without having parental consent because you are an "adult". For the first time ever, I also experienced Walmart after midnight, paying bills (kinda) on my own, not making my bed immediately after I woke up, and living with other girls my own age.

Overall, it was pretty darn awesome.

I had a trailer, which was not at all white-trash and actually quite cool in college. My best friend Nicole lived with me practically from start to finish, and we were great roommates. We started out with another friend named Leighanne, then my other bf Nicole, then another good friend named Kristin. I'm sure we had some arguments from time to time, but for the most part we all got along really well together and somehow managed to not kill each other.

I was also a member of a sorority, Alpha Delta Pi. Troy brought me together with sisters for the first time, and it was a unique time in my life. I've always been a joiner, so Greek life was perfect. Plus I'm always down for any excuse to choreograph a skit or dance! And there are a TON of opportunities for that in a sorority!

I even met H while at Troy. He was a Pi Kappa Phi, which just happened to be my favorite place to party. I mean...study and discuss World Lit and philosophy. We started out as great friends, and things somehow got to where we are today--married 4 years next month with a baby on the way! For that, I must thank the 'ol alma mater I guess.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today is a a good day and a bad day. First of all, it's a lovely day because it's my parent's anniversary. They were married in a back yard in Destin way back in 1981 (I think. It might have been 1980, I'm not really good with math). Of all the great love stories I've heard, there's has to be the best. They were two previously-burned lovers whose eyes locked across a crowded room (okay, that room was a bar--The Four Sons for all you Opp, AL natives, but still!) He thought she was too young, she thought he was married...yet somehow they found each other and a few years later the greatest blessing of their life arrived--me! :) Happy Anniversary you two crazy kids!

Secondly, it's nice to be loved, wanted, and appreciated on Valentine's Day. I am thankful I have H, who makes me laugh and makes me breakfast on the weekends. I remember what it was like to be a card-carrying member of the Single's Club and I can say it's better to get a crappy gift from a gas station than no gift at all. Happy Valentine's Day to my Baby's Daddy!

It's also a sad day. My PawPaw Hoss died a year ago today. He wasn't a cuddly cute grandpa that would bounce me on his knee. He was crass and he told inappropriate jokes. He never spelled my name right, he usually smelled like a boat and old cigars, and he only made appearances when food was involved. But...he was MY Hoss and I loved him. He could tell a fishing story better than anyone I've ever heard, he loved politics, and he loved his grandkids. Especially the only granddaughter of his "Baby". I loved him and I miss him at the weirdest moments. The world is a little less bright without him.

But I digress. I read another blog today that inspired my Valentine's Day post, which is really just about love in general. Not sappy love, just love in its many various musical forms.

And now...without any further commentary....

Love Songs of My Life: The Anthology
(In Chronological Order)

1.) Every Rose Has Its Thorn-I once dated a boy named Joey and he was the best thing since sliced bread. I had a crush on him, and low and behold-he actually liked me, too. We used to call each other at night and listen to this song as we debated who was going to hang up first. Ahhh...young love. Eventually I learned that yes, every rose does have its thorn...but thankfully there are a lot of other roses in the garden.

2.) How Do You Talk To An Angel-The skating rink was a feeding ground for young love. I had my heart broken (and my glasses, but that's a WHOLE different story) there in the same place where I had many a birthday party and snowball skates. I even got my first bra at the skating rink. I went through an awkward phase at one point in my life, from about 7-13, and the skating rink was just NOT the place for a chubby gal with glasses and braces. I was always popular and had tons of friends, I just wasn't exactly raking in the offers to hold hands and skate around the rink to this song. But how I longed to.

3.)I'll Make Love to You-Okay, so this is totally inappropriate for any middle schooler to be grooving to, but seriously...how many people can hear Boys II Men and NOT be instantly transported to a 7th grade dance? The awkward phase was at it's peak during this point of my life, but even I could find another awkward soul to dance with. Picture it...swaying awkardly, hands on shoulders and hips, not daring to get too close. You know you loved it then, and now.

4.) Love You Down-Spring Break 1998-99? I'm not sure the exact year, but I KNOW we were in Panama City Beach, in one of my girlfriend's cars, singing this tune at the top of our lungs. Boys may come and boys may go...but love songs that you sing with your gals are always tops.

5.) Wonderful Tonight-Some people have terrible first experiences with their first love. My first love was wonderful. He was sweet, thoughtful, intelligent, and funny. Plus he was one of my best friends. Even though many years have passed and we are both happily married today, this song always brings a smile to my face because it reminds me of happy high school times. It's a constant reminder to be thankful for what you have, and to compliment those that you love--a nice word goes a long way, whether it's a love song or in real life.

5.5.) Your Body is a Wonderland-This song stinks and I am not, nor have I ever been, a John Mayer fan. This is simply a reminder that sometimes piece of crap guys will come along and tell you all sorts of things they don't mean. But nevertheless, it takes the bad to appreciate the good. Bottom line-never trust a dude who sings John Mayer to you!

6.) Romeo and Juliet-This little-known song is by one of my favorite bands, Dire Straits. I fell in love with this song when a cute guy named Ben played the guitar and sang this to a circle of girls at Governor's School. (Sidenote: This is the time I realized boys with guitars are infinitely cuter than boys without guitars) Many years later, H and I had stumbled across each other at Spring break in PCB when he asked me if I wanted to get away from the noise and go sit in his car for a few moments. What a line, huh? :) When we got in the car, he had a song I just HAD to hear...and it was this one. Here was a cute boy who liked one of my most favorite (and obscure) songs. This was when I knew he was the One. And mom, if you're reading this, he was a perfect gentleman!


7.) My Girl-This is the song my father and I danced to at my wedding. What love is stronger than the love between a father and daughter? Probably not much, if any. With my own lil gal's due date swiftly approaching, I can only imagine how much she is going to be a daddy's girl, just like me. And that makes me love them all even more.

8.) What a Wonderful World-After we were engaged, we spent quite a bit of time trying to find the right song to dance to. Actually, both of us had forgotten about this detail until the DJ at our wedding asked us what song we wanted to have our first dance to. We looked through his collection of tunes and realized that he didn't have the aforementioned Dire Straits song, which kind of broke my heart a little. We decided on the classic "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong. It is a beautiful, beautiful song that still makes me a little misty. About a year later as we danced to this at the 'ol Pelican Pub on Dauphin Island, H's father mentioned that this song had always been special to him, too, because it was the song playing in their hospital room when he first held baby H. What a wonderful world, indeed, Louis.

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours! Kiss someone special today--but don't let it go too far or you'll end up like me!

Worries

Being a first-time mother-to-be, there are some things that keep me awake at night. Not necessarily the typical thoughts or what-ifs that come along with a child, thoughts like "Will she be healthy?" or "Will she have ten fingers and ten toes?" and "Will she be cute?" Of course I wonder/worry about these types of things as they are inevitable in a pregnant woman's mind. But for today, I am more focused on the lighter side of pregnancy, childbirth, child rearing, and imparting of wisdom that I will face in the next 18 or so years. I don't want to pretend that these are more important than the other more serious concerns like numbers of fingers and toes---but well, the possibilities are just too scary for my mind to comprehend so I prefer to pretend like they simply don't exist.

That's how I've gotten through life thus far, so I will just stick with that method for now.

I am SO lucky to be having this type of pregnancy. After listening to some of my friends talk about their experiences, I half expected to find myself mentally insane, puking my internal organs up from morning to night, or just laying around being fanned by palm fronds while I ate peeled grapes. So far it's been a breeze. As in...I can't even tell I'm pregnant except for the fact that my clothes no longer fit and my boobs are looking fab-u-lous. Well, that and the fact that I could quite possibly blow the doors off a house with the indigestion/burps I have lately. But even in the midst of my pregnancy nirvana, I worry. I worry about things like:

1.) Hemorrhoids--Ummm...no thanks, Baby! I'm good! I have no desire to have these things that I'm not even 100% sure what they are and how they get there, but I know WHERE they are and that is enough for me to know I could do without them.

2.) Poop--I've heard through the grapevine that it is possible for a woman to poop during childbirth. Now H and I have been through a lot together over the past 7-8 years, and we've both seen some things that we wish we could un-see. But pooping on a table is NOT something I want to add to that list. God have mercy on my soul if that happens because I will never live it down. And it might, just might, keep us from having Baby # 2.

3.) Large Baby--I want a healthy baby, don't get me wrong. But is it too much to ask for a child of a normal birth weight? I was a lil thing at only 5 lbs, but H was like Andre the Giant from what I hear. Okay, maybe not Andre the Giant! But to a chick who is only 5'1, an almost 9 lb baby just sounds impossible. And like torture. I am so afraid this baby is going to be a mutant thing with a head like a bowling ball. I'm thinking a cross between that shim wrestler China, me, and H. If that ain't scary, I don't know what is. Seriously...it gives me nightmares.

4.) Breast Feeding--Yep, I'm gonna breast feed. It is by far the healthiest way to nourish a child. It's nature's way after all! And I WILL succeed at this as I'm leaving myself no other option. But I worry so much about it-especially considering I don't know many other moms who did it. Will she like it? Will it hurt? Will it make H feel left out? Most importantly though (and let's be honest) will it make my boobs look crazy afterward? Will one be saluting the heavens and the other be dragging the infield? How do I keep them balanced? Does that pump feel as painful as it looks? Does it come with instructions? Obviously I need to do some reading on this subject before the big day arrives...

5.) Intelligence--We will love Baby C like nothing we've ever loved before, of this I am sure. But what if she's dumb as a box of hammers? I have no patience for stupid. What if she isn't witty and funny? H and I have always said the reason we are together is because we "get" each other. We laugh at the same things, and usually it is something along the smartass lines. (I hate to admit it, but it's true) What if she thinks Larry the Cable Guy is funny and Justin Beiber is the best ever? Yikes. What if we have to go the rest of our lives explaining jokes to her because she just doesn't "get" it?

6.) Details--What about the details? People keep telling me "Don't worry-once she pops out you'll just KNOW! Your motherly instincts will just appear and you'll know!" But what if that doesn't happen? What if God didn't give me a Motherly Gene and instead replaced it with the ability to pinch/pick up things with my toes? I consider myself fairly competent. I'm sure I can figure out how to put on a diaper and such. But how do I learn to trim tiny fingernails? How do I know when she should be eating cereal? What if she doesn't potty train on time? Or at all?

I'm sure it will all come to me/us. Thankfully I have tons of friends who are mommies. And some I even value their opinions! Haha-just kidding! I am prepared for tons of advice, whether I really want it or not. Some we will take and some we will toss--I'm guessing that every new set of parents have to find out what works for them. No two children are the same so there is really no reason to expect two parenting styles to be the same. And I'm hopefully that for the things good 'ol fashioned experience can't remedy (like oddly disproportionate boobies) there is surgery!

Besides, if this baby turns out half as good as our fur children--we should be good!

NYE, a National Championship, and The Crud

It's been a while readers. Or reader, as I should probably say! We are not only pregnant and unmotivated, we are also sick. (And I use the term we very loosely, as usual-especially on the pregnant part)

Let's start with New Year's Eve. My former NYE celebrations have consisted of one or more of the following: cocktails, H, live music, fireworks, friends, sore feet, and a hangover. This NYE consisted of only two of those things: H and friends. Although I must admit of all the things to carry into 2011, those are by far the best of the bunch! We had a wonderful and slightly uneventful NYE, which was totally okay by me. After a little lunch date with the ladies, I tagged along with them downtown to The Battlehouse Hotel.

Talk about luxury! This place is awesome--especially if you are just crashing the party and not paying the bill. The Battlehouse is only about 3 miles from our front door, and since I was the designated driver of the evening, I figured we might as well save our money and sleep in our own bed. I did not, however, want to miss out on girly time with three of my favorites so I hung out with them to gossip, giggle, snack, and get ready for the evening. H met up with us later, and he was (as usual) the lone dude in our group of fabulous gals! We saw the Moon Pie, but missed the drop. I heard some fireworks, but missed the show. Went to our usual stomping grounds, Boo Radley's, and didn't have a drink. And they didn't even a band, just a DJ that would play 30 seconds of a song before jumping to the next one on his playlist. Not my scene. But...we rang in 2011 nevertheless, made a run through the McDonalds drive-thru, and were asleep by 1!

And I woke up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning!

The next week was back to work and back to reality! Boo! For some reason Mondays are just much easier when you know it's only followed by 3 more days of work rather than 4. But...life must go on. And the last time I checked our mortgage payment was still due on the 5th, so back to work we went.

And then it all went to hell in a handbasket quite quickly. H got sick with a cold, then he passed it along to his lovely wife. Now don't get me wrong, I can be a little needy when I get sick. I want to be cuddled and waited on hand and foot. But what's so wrong with that!?!!? Not a darn thing as far as I'm concerned. I wait on others hand and foot (not that I'm naming any names) so when I'm sick I like to be pampered. But apparently because SOME people got over their sickness pretty quickly (before passing a much stronger, crueler version along to me) I was supposed to bounce back like a tetherball as well. Except for the fact that I can't take meds like NyQuil or antibiotics to ease the pain.

Now is the time you should feel very sorry for me because I had some serious crud. I still have the lingering aftermath of it now, although I am feeling much better thanks to Tylenol products, lots of orange juice, and plenty of complaining.

And maybe one foot massage that I convinced H miraculously made my throat feel better, too. And my headache go away. :)

In the midst of my traumatic illness, Auburn played in the National Championship game. And in case you missed it or have been living under a rock....WE WON! Yay! I almost got a divorce because not only does my husband try to set my clothing on fire during an Iron Bowl, he also likes to cheer for Oregon. To which I say this, "If you don't know the capital of the state you should not be allowed to cheer for them in any capacity!"

Sidenote: Yes, we quiz each other on states' capitals and neither of us knew Oregon last time we played. We have weird games, what can I say?

But anywhooo....Auburn won! H can eat a turd! I think we should name the baby Cam Chizick Carrigan, what do you think?

Speaking of the bambino-It has been cooking for 16 weeks! I call it an "it" which people think is weird. But "Peanut" is just too conventional, and nothing else seems to fit. I call it Tupac sometimes, which I guess is kinda weird, too. We have chosen not to find out the sex of the baby, so I don't know if it's a he or she. So far the consensus is "he", but I haven't really had any sort of feelings leaning one way or the other. Although I feel like I would be more comfortable with a girl (cause we have the same parts and such) I would love to have a little boy for H and my dad. My dad has lived the past 28 years with just me and mom (God bless him, it would have killed a lesser man) so he deserves a lil dude to fish with. And H is already planning the kid's football, basketball, golf, and fishing outings so I know he's wanting a son. Pink or Blue, I don't care. Just as long as it's cute! I kid, I kid--just as long as it's healthy and looks like me, we're cool!

Happy (and Healthy) 2011!

TDC

What NOT to Watch Part I

What has happened to television lately? Seriously, here lately it seems like every time I turn my TV on I'm left asking....what the hell is this crap I'm watching? Here is a brief rundown of the shows that (in my opinion) we should all stay far, far away from. And I mean FAR. There haven't been any studies that prove these shows really do lower IQs and cause brain cells to die a slow, steady death, but I AM totally convinced these shows aren't really adding anything productive to our society.

Warning! Before reading this, let me put my little disclaimer out there first and foremost: Some of you are not going to agree with me on these choices. It's nothing personal and I am not calling you stupid for watching them (because hello, I had to have watched them at some point to comment on them here). And secondly, just because I detest these shows, for some reason they are like a car wreck--the outcome is terrible yet for some reason I just can't look away. Don't say I didn't warn you first.

Sarah Palin's Alaska--Now, those that know me know I am not a fan of Mrs. Palin. I personally think she is corny, fake, and not-that-smart. Although I will admit she is awfully pretty! I'm not sure if there is an actual point to this show other than to prove that she can indeed fire a shotgun and catch a fish. (But let me add that her clothes look like they were bought at the local North Face retailer about 10 minutes before taping began. No outdoorsman I've ever seen has clothes that clean.) She constantly complains about privacy and the flack her children get from HER political career, yet she parades them on national television for a paycheck? Hello pot...meet kettle. It shows her kids and grandkid, yet we never see the newest addition with Down Syndrome. In my opinion, a reality show would be a wonderful opportunity to showcase just how special children with DS are and how their lives can be productive and even somewhat normal. But no...let's leave little Trig locked in a closest somewhere, or out on the porch with the nanny who's still looking for Russia. And don't EVEN get me started on the episode with Kate Gosselin and her litter! Note to TLC: Let's stick to "19 Kids and Counting" and "Toddlers and Tiaras".

Chelsea Lately--Dear Chelsea Handler, I'm on the fence with this one. I tend to catch this show simply because there isn't anything else on at 10 pm (other than How I Met Your Mother reruns that I've seen a million times). It starts out funny. I laugh, I'm entertained for a moment. But I can't for the life of me figure out WHY a funny blond needs a Hispanic little person/midget/vertically challenged (I don't know the PC term for this) person as a sidekick. He isn't funny. And secondly...why are you so mean Chelsea? Just when I think I've started to become a fan, you say something so terribly mean it makes me cringe and change the channel.

Bridalplasty--While I'm on the E! bashing, let me continue with a show that has absolutely no good points whatsoever. This show is terrible and one that I will not watch ever again. These poor girls have the lowest self esteem and continue to degrade themselves week after week for the world's viewing pleasure. I'm not totally against plastic surgery, but I am against this show. And I'm against whomever does the programming for E! because "Wild Girls", "Married to Rock", and "Spin Crowd" need to disappear forever into the land of forgotten television series, never to be aired in syndication again.

Extreme Couponing--This show is sad. While I'm impressed that these women and men can manage to get $1000 of groceries for $8, I am also sad for them. Who has that much time to collect, cut, and use that many coupons? (Seriously, they said the typical couponer had thousands on hand at any given time) Obviously their local grocery store is nothing like mine because I want to get in and out as soon as humanly possible--not spend 6 hours of my life hassling the check-out clerks. Get a life, folks. Or better yet....get a job. When you work 40 hours a week, you have no desire to spend your precious few leftover hours looking online so you can buy 80 sticks of deodorant, 37 toothbrushes, and 1000 boxes of cereal for .37. Trust me--your local Winn-Dixie cashier will thank-you for not following in these people's footsteps.

And now....last but not least:

Bama Belles--I love Alabama. We are a beautiful state full of beautiful, intelligent people. Yet for some reason, TLC has found the dumbest bunch of redneck hussies East of the Mississippi. Apparently no one bothered to inform TLC executives what constitutes a Southern Belle, because let me be the first to tell you it is not a bandana and a pick-up truck. First of all, that white-trash Dakota (bless her bandana-clad heart) is a hot mess. Who cheats on her husband then proudly struts around the local bar like a celebrity because she has a low-budget television crew following her around? Secondly, I'm all for Yankees coming to town to learn a little about Southern culture, but if you don't like it Ms. Thang From NYC, well you can hop back on that horse and trot right on back to the big city for all we care. Thirdly, I have lived in the South my entire life, make that the Wiregrass basically my whole life, and I have never once been to a lawnmower race or to a party with sombrero-wearing donkey. (and I consider myself pretty darn county!) And newsflash: not all Southern ladies like to sit in a deer blind and pretend to hunt with their loudmouth friend, either. Last but not least (okay, not last because I could go on for days about the ridiculousness of this show) but since when did Dothan become so rural?!?! Last time I rode through the Circle City, I saw new-fangled notions like shopping malls, state-of-the-art hospitals, and by-golly...even one of them thar motorized horse and buggies!

Next time (in case anyone made it past the Palin Show-bashing paragraph without leaving me forever) I will give my "thumbs up" list of what to watch. If you care. And you probably don't, and that's okay, too--it's just for tits and giggles!

Now get your panties out of a wad and have a Happy New Year,
TDC