The DVR as a Metaphor

A few nights ago, as H and I settled in to watch a few of our favorite television shows, we both realized something that was pretty profound:

Our DVR is a good metaphor for our marriage.

I know that sounds completely silly, but hear me out before you judge! We both love the DVR. As two members of the "working class" neither of us have that much time to dedicate to our must-see TV. Or at least not when it is regularly scheduled! So, like millions of other people across the world, we rely on the DVR to make sure we don't miss out on the greats like "Gone With the Wind".

Or "Real Housewives of Orange County".

When it comes to my section of the DVR, you will find a plethora of different shows and movies. I might record "Teen Moms" on MTV, the critically acclaimed "Downton Abbey" on PBS, and a documentary about child soldiers in Botswana all in the same day. I am a Gemini-which is the sign of the twins, or multiple personalities. I like a mixture of so many different things at any given time it almost seems like there is a pageant-obsessed, 14 year-old girl working on a book report operating my remote.

H on the other hand, is different. His viewing habits are much easier to monitor and follow. He enjoys major sporting events, sports talk shows, documentaries about sports icons or historical sporting events, sports news....notice a trend here? These recording traits match up perfectly with the real-life H--a sports enthusiast who is stable, predictable, and completely uninterested in the drama.

As we began to watch our shows that night, I mentioned to him that I had deleted quite a few of his old recordings. There was no need to save the National Championship Game so he could watch it for the fifteenth time.

After I'm done watching a recorded show, I immediately delete it. I'm embarrassed enough to admit I watch "Dance Moms" in the first place, much less to add that I sit through marathons on a Saturday night once everyone is asleep. We need to free up space for future recordings!!!! Likewise, I also discard of things pretty haphazardly in real life. I'm not a sentimental person AT. ALL. Objects and things don't have much meaning for me, so I don't have much trouble tossing things after I'm done with them.

H, however, is the total opposite. For instance, he refuses to let me throw out a hockey puck from his elementary school days back when Mobile was the home of the Mystics. True story. Not sure why he needs that puck or why he wants to relive the glory days of Bama's win over ------- (because I can't even remember or care less), but both live on in our home. One just lives in the drawer next to the fridge and the other takes up valuable space that I will need for "Texas Women".

He tells me there is no need to delete shows to make room for future recordings because the DVR will just delete the oldest stuff to make sure the new stuff gets recorded. He flies by the seat of his pants, not worrying about the little things in life. I fret and worry that an episode of "Beverly Hills 90210" from 1992 will get deleted to record one of Arnold Palmer's classic golf rounds. I like to plan and know that what I want will be there when I want it. But in the end, is it really that important if something doesn't go exactly the way I planned?

Just as we do in real life, our DVR will meet in the middle on a select few shows that we not only enjoy, but bond over. "Mad Men" gets us talking about the generations before us. "Modern Family" will have us laughing over the mundane household issues that can sometimes drag us down. "Doomsday Preppers" leads us to those "what if...?" discussions about government, foreign threats, and mental illness.

And if we're really lucky, we'll stumble across a recording of "Super Troopers" to remind us why fell in love to begin with.

5 Years

Saturday, March 17th, will be H's and my 5th wedding anniversary. Slightly amazing, if I do say so myself!

Overall it has been a really wonderful five years. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that I have the perfect husband, and he certainly doesn't have a perfect wife. I've cooked terrible meals, washed his wallet on multiple occasions, and even left his truck unlocked the night his golf clubs were stolen. He makes me listen to basketball games on the radio, leaves his spit cups everywhere, and even if my life depended on it I can't get the guy to put his close inside the clothes hamper as opposed to on the floor next to it. Sometimes I want to kill him and hide the body. Sometimes he wants to be married to Beyonce.

But....he also lets me pick the restaurant every time we go to dinner. And he has been known to peel the heads off my shrimp or crawfish because it kind of grosses me out. (At least until I've had enough beers to forget there are little accusatory eyes looking at me) He buys me tampons if I need them. He makes me laugh like no other person in the world.

We get each other.

And I'm so lucky to be married to my best friend.

A Photo Session (Finally!)

Charlotte, Charlie, Lois, and I made the long trek home to Kinston this past weekend. H had to work all weekend so we decided to get out of town for a little while and escape what would have been a very boring and LONG two days.

Instead we spent a wonderful weekend with my parents! (Aka "Mimi" and "Granddaddy")

Our main purpose for the trip was because Charlotte had a photo shoot on Saturday with Hannah Seay Photography. Let me be the first to admit it...I am a terrible mother. She is my first child and the light of my life, yet I have never had any professional portraits made of her. Epic fail. Professional photography is just so expensive these days! Plus it has been really difficult to find the time to have some made. I know, I know...my excuses are terrible. I just couldn't bear the thought of having some cheesy/trailer-park photos made at Sears or Walmart where the lighting is godawful and the background is straight out of 1987. (Because that's really all we can afford) I would rather just have the regular ones I have taken with my camera.

But ya'll. Hannah Seay Photography was such a wonderful experience I'm wishing I would have done it 5 months ago! I haven't even seen the finished, edited project but the first shots just off her camera were enough to get me excited! First of all, she had live bunnies. You can't lose when you've got live bunnies. Add my adorable Boopsy in her pink smocked Easter dress with those live bunnies and you've got more cuteness than you can handle!

She obviously hasn't been to wardrobe yet, but you can see the excitement in her face. I was really worried for the bunny's welfare because I know she gets to be "Little Miss Grabby Hands" when it comes to the dogs, but she was (thankfully) a little hesitant. She loved them in the cage. She loved them from her viewpoint in my arms. But once it was just her and the bunny, she wasn't quite sure she was a fan.

Fortunately she did not let her fear ruin the shoot. Total professionalism, even from the smallest member of our family. Take note, Bravo! I'm still waiting on my reality series contract.

After the photo session, my mom, dad, and I took Charlotte to the park for a lovely afternoon walk. That kind of weather makes me thankful I live in South Alabama.

Please remind me of this statement about mid-July when my hair has been frizzy and curly for a month straight and I have boob sweat.

All in all, it was a great weekend that just went by way too quick! If you're in the market for photos, I highly recommend Hannah Seay Photography. She is a wonderful, sweet, reasonably-priced professional photographer located in Enterprise, Alabama. I just can't say enough nice things about her or her work! It truly takes an artist to take good photos, and Hannah is certainly that! If you need any kind of photographs-wedding, senior portraits, family, etc-please give her a call or check out her stuff on her website at http://www.hannahseayphotography.com/ 

Mardi Gras Recap

I'm not exactly sure how Father Time manages to make it happen, but it seems that while the minutes tend to creep by the days can still simultaneously fly. I look back and think "Wait! What happened to February?"
In case you live under a rock, Mardi Gras ended last week. Instead of the typical bang it likes to end on, my Fat Tuesday went out with more of a sigh. I didn't fall into my bed fully clothed and exhausted from a day of walking the streets of downtowm Mobile, catching moonpies and drinking warm beers from my purse.

Instead I spent it with Charlotte buying a new television for the upstairs playroom/guest suite.

And that was just as wonderful. Plus I felt much better when I finally returned to work on Wednesday.

We did manage to squeeze in some adult fun that weekend thanks to my wonderful parents. They made the long trip to see all of us. (I'm totally delusional-they just came to see Charlotte and spoil her rotten!)

On the Friday night before Fat Tuesday we went to a Mardi Gras ball in Fairhope. It was the Maids of Jubilee soiree and it was F-U-N. We almost didn't make it because someonewhoshallremainnameless realized at 6:15 that night he had somehow managed to lose his tuxedo pants. I know what you're thinking and trust me--I don't know how you lose your pants either. Thankfully, after my breakdown and tears of anger and frustration, dear H went and rented some tuxedo pants for the evening.

Having a gay man feel you up is a small price to pay for making your wife incredibly happy.

While we had a wonderful time, I realized that the best part of a party is usually the morning after when you all get to sit around in your pajamas and giggle about the antics from the night before. I think our conversations went something like...

"And that's when Hannah decided to ride in Waylon's car seat the whole way home!"
"I can't believe I walked all over Fairhope barefooted and I don't have grocery-store feet!"
"So I just shoved a couple of taquitos in my pocket and walked away"

Or my personal favorite..."Tiffany, I think I lost my jacket and cumberbund last night."

To which I can only think at least he didn't lose those rented pants.

Saturday we went to Biloxi for the evening. I've only been away from the babe for one night, so not seeing her for two nights was really tough. I could hardly concentrate on my crab legs and vodka tonics at the casino. But don't worry...I managed. ;) We lost too much money, stayed in a cheap hotel, and had a wonderful time. H was even able to make a Waffle House run at 2 am, just like back in our college days.

It was wonderful to get away, but it was even better to get home. It's amazing how much you can miss the little gal when 8 1/2 months ago we didn't even know her. My how times have changed. And my how exhausted my parents were!

Charlotte did a number on them and I'm still not quite sure they've recovered.

Happy Lenten Season to you and yours! Laissez le bon tempes roulez--at least until next year!

11 Things!

Yay! My friend Hope did this on her blog and tagged me with the idea, so of course I had to jump on the opportunity. Like I mentioned previously, I thoroughly enjoy it when another blogger gives me a topic to write about. I love when someone else does half my work for me!

Here are the rules: 1.) Post 11 random facts about yourself. 2.) Ask 11 questions you wish to know about your friends and 3.) Tag 11 people (or as many as I know with blogs) to do this same project on their blog

Or something very similar to that as I can't copy and paste like a normal human being in the 21st century.

Here we go--hang on to your panties ladies!

1.) I go to fairs for one purpose only--fair food. I don't ride anything that drops so I'm content to wander around with my funnel cake, candy apple, giant corndog, grilled corn, and nachos.
2.) I can pinch the snot out of you with my toes.
3.) Sometimes I just sit on my couch and completely ignore the Jehovah's Witnesses when they come calling. I have pretended to be asleep and/or deaf because I feel like it would be rude if they saw me get up and run away.
4.) We have hardwood floors throughout our entire house. Sometimes when my feet get dirty or gritty, I wipe my them off on my Chocolate Lab, Charlie.
5.) I am deathly afraid of heights. I can barely breathe if I get over about 5 ft off the ground. And I have to take mood stabilizers before I can get on an airplane of any kind.
6.) I would love to run for city council, but I'm afraid I couldn't handle the bad-mouthing and mudslinging that comes along with political office. I know you can't please everyone all of the time, but I can't stand knowing someone is mad at me or doesn't like me. I have a complex.
7.) I have seen every single episode of Beverly Hills 90210. Dylan McKay was the greatest thing I had ever seen. I may or may not have a thing for bad boys.
8.) I used to lay in the pasture at my house and let the calves lick the bottom of my feet. I will always be a country girl at heart.
9.) I wrecked my dad's truck trying to roll up the window so the kitten I was bringing home wouldn't jump out. Oh yeah...I was 12.
10.) I can't stand belly buttons. They all gross me out, even my own. H likes to try and poke his finger in it and it drives me INSANE!
11.) My favorite meal of the day is brunch. Preferably eggs benedict with crabmeat hollandaise and an IV of mimosas. This must all be consumed while dining outside and listening to live music. Bliss.

Now...here are my answers to Hope's questions!

Do I prefer the lake vs the ocean? Hmmm-I guess I will go with the ocean, or in my case, the Gulf because I just love the whole atmosphere of the coast.

What is my favorite season? Fall is my favorite season. It's the onset of (thankfully) cooler weather after our sweltering, humid summers, football begins, the air is crisp, leaves are falling, crops are being harvested....the list is endless.

Do I talk to strangers in restaurants, stores, etc? You betcha! I could talk to a brick wall, so of course I welcome discussions with strangers about almost any topic under the sun. You never know who could be standing behind you in line. I'm hoping whoever it is has a private plane and wants to be BFFs.

What is my favorite movie? It's like asking me to pick my favorite song!! I just can't choose one because it all depends on my mood, but I guess the movie I never get tired of watching is Gone With the Wind. LOVED Scarlett and Rhett, and I thought Melanie really was a mealy-mouthed twit.

Do I prefer silver or gold? I prefer platinum.

If I could drive any vehicle, what would I drive? This is probably such a typical answer, but I am in love with a Range Rover, white and chrome with tan leather interior, of course. Unfortunately I have too much sense and not enough cash to make this a reality.

What is one quirky thing I do? I don't think quirky is a word I would use to describe myself. I am completely, 100% normal. But I do have to "Eeny-Meeny-Miny-Moe" my fortune cookie and I MUST be the first one to pick from the selection. Even though I don't eat fortune cookies.

Do I arrive early or late? Sigh. My goal is to always be early. In reality, I am usually the last-second or a few minutes after type of gal. I rely on the fact that most normal people realize they need to wait for the stragglers before starting-whether it's a wedding, funeral, recital, meeting, etc.

Do I eat breakfast? Yep. Sometimes it's only a pack of crackers, but I always try to eat something.

Am I a tidy person? I wouldn't exactly say I was tidy, but I am very organized.

What am I thankful for? I'm so thankful for so many things it should be a separate post altogether. Most of all, I am thankful for a healthy, happy baby and family. We are beyond blessed to have experieced few troubles thus far in life, and for that I am eternally thankful.

Last but not least, here are my questions to you. (Lindsey Adkison, I expect you to do this on your blog if you and your computer are done with your little lover's spat)

Are you a dog or cat person?
If you could take any vacation and go anywhere, where would you go?
What is the one food you would need on a deserted island?
What is the best book you've ever read?
Would you consider yourself a romantic?
How would you describe the perfect date night?
Do you believe in love at first sight or does love have to grow and develop between two people?
Do you prefer shoes or handbags?
How many times have you been skinny dipping?
Have you ever tried a really crazy food, and if so, what was it?
If you could have picked your own name, what would it have been?

10 Tiffany Things

I've linked up to this blog for "10 Little ______ Things" Friday, and I must admit I am quite a fan. Maybe because I feel like we could really be friends in real life, due to the sarcasm and curse words just to be funny. She's a new mom, too, and thankfully one of the few that doesn't make me feel like I'm only two steps above Peggy Bundy in the Mother of the Year category.

But I digress. Here's my 10 little things from the past week.

1.) Work has become redamndiculous. I hardly have the time to post blogs anymore. Seriously, what do they think this is...work or something!?!?!

2.) Mardi Gras is literally right around the corner. As in, first parade of the season starts tomorrow out on Dauphin Island. It will be Charlotte's first Mardi Gras parade, and I'm just praying she doesn't get hit in the eye/face/head with beads/cups/hard candy/toys. It's a jungle out there folks, and don't think those rednecks are going to let a cute, innocent baby bystander get in between them and a 'nanner moonpie. 

3.) We are on the hunt for new bedroom furniture. And by we, I mean I. One half of this blessed union is sticking his head in the sand and trying to pretend this purchase is not on the horizon. The better half (and you can decide for yourself which one that happens to be) knows it is coming sooner rather than later. I'm thinking something like this:

4.) Katy bar the door! Miss Charlotte is on the move these days and keeping mommy, daddy, and nanny busy. She will be 7 months on the 27th, and she already has two little teeth. So cute! She is crawling, pulling up on absolutely everything, and growing like a weed. At her 6 month checkup (which was Tuesday, oops!) she weighed 17 lbs 15 oz, and was 27.5 inches long. And 100% ADORABLE!

5.) H and I desperately need a vacation or a date night or something! We don't exactly have any babysitters that are beating down the door to watch Charlotte, and although my parents would watch her 24/7 if they could, they live too far away to just drop in on a random Thursday and let us escape for a few hours. So....I guess I can just dream of the date nights we can have again in approximately 18 years after we've dropped Boopsy off at college.

6.) The current weather situation in South Alabama makes my sinuses hurt. Which makes my face and head hurt, which in turn makes me ill and not suitable for public interaction.

7.) I've become obsessed with PBS's new series, Downton Abbey. My DVR said "What the hell is Masterpiece Theater!?!?" when I hit record. It was confused by a show with descriptions like "educational trust" and "glimpses of class and caste". Unfortunately it is more accustomed to Guidos and mothers that say things like "Sparkle, Baby!".

8.) My house needs a major Spring Fix Up. I am not emotionally, physically, or financially prepared for that undertaking.

9.) I've heard that having a dependent really helps when it comes tax season. H and I have already planned the things are going to do with our tax return this year, and all I have to say is we better get a significant amount of money or somebody at the state and federal level is gonna pay.

Not really, but I will be super pissed if I don't get to buy new furniture soon.

10.) I wonder if Bassett Furniture will give me a discount since I mentioned their bedroom suite on my blog? Obviously I'm no Pioneer Woman, but we can all hope, huh?

I love Fridays when I can mooch blog ideas off other people! It's amazing how a 6.5 month old baby can suck the creativity and will to do anything other than sleep out of a person.

2011 Done Come and Gone

2011 was a banner year for us as we welcomed our sweet little gal, Charlotte. She has certainly made our lives have much more meaning and purpose, and hopefully her little watchful eyes and open ears will teach us to be better parents, friends, and people in general. This was by far the highlight of my/our year, but there are a few more local and not-so-local stories that also made me smile/cringe/shake my head in disbelief, etc.

In no particular order:

1.) The Harvey Updyke Scandal, aka The Toothless Redneck Bammer Fan Who Will Live in Infamy-This crazy dude is in my mind, the typical stereotype of a Bammer (Bama fan in case I have any out-of-state readers). Now I know that there are plenty of decent Alabama football fans out there. I may or may not even be married to one depending on what fall Saturday you ask me, but Updyke is just too ridiculous for this Auburn fan to pass up. First of all, what kind of moron names their kids Crimson Tide and Bear Bryan Updyke!?!?! That's like me naming my daughter Pinot Grigio or Chicken Fried Steak Carrigan. Secondly, how immature do you have to be to destroy not only someone else's property, but property of state historical significance that means SO much to SO many? Couldn't he just have keyed the team Greyhound and gotten the same satisfaction?

2.) The Kardashian Divorce-Let's face it, no one was surprised to see this one coming. Kim is a vapid, fame-hungry celebutante who is only famous because she made a dirty movie with Ray-J. Wait...who? Who the heck is Ray-J and why do we even care? It's sad that with all of her fame and fortune, the only thing she manages to raise awareness about is the downfalls of letting your significant other take dirty pictures or videos of you. Or maybe the benefits of an iron-clad prenup. Either way, I've seen enough of Kim Kardashian and her open-mouth-breathing ex-husband to last me until 3011.

3.) The Royal Wedding-Now this is something that totally makes me smile! (Although the fact that Will is officially off the market is more than a little heartbreaking because he would have made a fabulous second husband) I LOVE Kate Middleton and everything she is-philanthropic, down-to-earth, unassuming, beautiful, classy....all of the good things a future queen should be. Kate-are you sure you aren't a Southerner? Your demeanor (and teeth) would suggest you might have some redneck roots somewhere in that lineage.

4.) Boeing Blows-My little corner of the state was prepped to receive a pretty large government contract to build Air Force refueling jets. We all thought Northrop Grumman was going to be the big winner. Our city council had already put on their party clothes and hired the caterer (literally) when we all got the news that some little manufacturer called Boeing had won The Big One. Apparently some Yankees didn't believe Alabamians were competent enought to built planes, despite the fact we are currently building cars, ships, and spaceships in our dumb, backwards state. Next time I go to to Washington--oh wait. Who the heck wants to go to Washington where it's cold and rainy and those homely-looking folks only eat granola and drink Starbucks 24/7?!?! On second thought, keep your government contract Boeing! We will just stay here and enjoy the 70 degree New Year's Day and eat some cornbread in our trailer parks-our government won't have the money to pay you anyway!

5.)  Oprah Moves On-I can't believe The Oprah Winfrey Show is no more. Where else can we find heartwarming stories about war vets returning to their families? Or see celebrities lose their marbles and profess their undying love a little too excitedly? And let's not forget the "Everybody's getting a new ca-ar!" episode! I never really thought I would win a free car or trip from Oprah, but it was nice knowing the possibility was there. Now I will just have to settle for a free cookie with my next Lenny's sandwich purchase.

6.) Elizabeth Taylor Dies-The lady with the violet eyes passed away in March of 2011. As an equestrian myself, I have always loved National Velvet. I was later introduced to Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof  (and subsequently Paul Newman, swoon) and fell even more in love with Mrs. Taylor. She was beautiful, funny, and knew what she wanted out of life. Her love life might have been a bit troubled, but she taught me there is nothing a sparkly diamond can't fix. Kim Kardashian-TAKE NOTE! This is a true star in every sense of the word.