Things Change

I've been debating about whether or not to write this post. I've been trying to figure out how to write this post. How do I write something pertaining to my family or my home when none of that is the same as it was when I started? How do I manage to update you without pointing fingers and placing blame? How do I figure out a catchy new blog name when I live in Opp? (And "You Down with O-P-P?" is already taken?) Here's the thing...I love to write. I'm not really good at that many things, but I like to hope/think/assume I'm at least halfway decent at writing. Especially considering it was my major in college and all. Writing is my outlet. It's how I manage to organize and file my feelings when it feels like my mind is moving a few hundred miles an hour. And I love reading back over some of the funny stories and things that have happened along the way - it's like a scrapbook for people who are better with words than glue guns. So here's the story in a very small nutshell: I got divorced. It feels weird to write that, even now, because divorce was something I never wanted to go through. My parents are still happily married, and I wanted Charlotte to grow up in a household with mommy and daddy there. And divorce feels like failing. Like I wasn't enough. Like if I would have cooked better he would have loved me more. Or if I was skinnier he would have loved me more. If my hair was blonder/I was taller/nicer/prettier/etc into oblivion it would have made him love me more. H and I had some problems, and I never denied that. I won't go into his because I feel like it's not really my place to out his demons to cyberspace. So I will just use MY space to talk about ME. As much as I hate to admit it, I am not and was not perfect. I have a sharp tongue that can bite, even when I don't necessarily mean for it to. I'm a very blunt person and sometimes I tend to say things without a whole lot of regard for other peoples' feelings. When I get hurt, my immediate response is "what can I say to hurt you as much as you just hurt me?" Sometimes other people don't understand my sarcasm or sense of humor. And sometimes I'm just a smartass. Yikes. Facing you own major character flaw is rough. Let's just say there are some humiliations and transgressions that just can't be forgiven, so I had to move out of the Hysterical District. It just got a little too hysterical for my taste. And where did we go, you ask? The booming metropolis of Opp - and we couldn't be happier in our new life! Things are much different now, but at least there's peace and harmony in the home. No screaming and cursing. No fighting or slamming doors. Just laughter and the promise of a new beginning back home with my family and the friends that love us most. There are other exciting things to tell, but I don't want to bore you to tears just yet. Just know that I'm back and ready to start writing again (for all three of you that actually care!) Yours, TLD